The Wildcard’s Guide to the NFL - Week 1
(Morry Gash/AP)
Last Week: N/A
Green Bay Packers (0-0) at Seattle Seahawks (0-0)
Ahh…
Sighs of relief all around. We made it, folks. The NFL is back.
The first game of the season is a damn blockbuster with the defending champs ‘welcoming’ the Packers into town. This is gonna be a massive season for the Packers, I reckon, but what the hell are ya gonna do playing in Seattle? They don’t lose at home. There are teams for whom the home-field cliché is a serious thing… and then there’s the Seahawks. Their stadium is a coliseum of brutality and humiliation for any visitors.
Plus Seattle are in a rare position where they almost look stronger following a Superbowl victory. Russell Wilson seems fully unaffected, they haven’t lost any key players and there’s not an ounce of complacency in the organisation, from Richard Sherman to the lady who does the dry-cleaning.
Fun fact: The past 8 defending champs have combined for a total of… zero playoff wins the following season.
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 10
New Orleans Saints (0-0) at Atlanta Falcons (0-0)
Hard Knocks? Yeah, Atlanta are due plenty of those against this dynamic Saints team. They’ve got a hot young defence and once they’ve roughed you up, in comes Drew Brees for the kill. The Saints could go all the way this year if the pennies fall the right side up. Atlanta should be better than last time around, but for the first time since his rookie season Matty Ice won’t have Tony Gonzalez to bail him out.
Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 3
Minnesota Vikings (0-0) at St Louis Rams (0-0)
It’s really hard to judge how things are going to go without having seen anyone actually take the field yet (preseason means jack and y’all know it). Will the Vikings be decent? Yeah, maybe. What about the Rams? They’ll miss Bradford, sure, but they have a quality defence and a couple serviceable weapons on offence too. Not as many as the Vikings have though. Adrian Peterson is incapable of regression while Cordarrelle Patterson really excelled as a rookie last campaign. He’ll be massive. It’s just a matter of how Matt Cassell does at QB, though against Shaun Hill it won’t be such a big deal.
Wildcard’s Pick: Vikings by 4
Cleveland Browns (0-0) at Pittsburgh Steelers (0-0)
I was going to write a little poem or something for this one but nothing rhymes with Roethlisberger.
Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers by 8
Jacksonville Jaguars (0-0) at Philadelphia Eagles (0-0)
The Jags are coming off a terrible season. The Eagles look ready to kick on. Chip Kelly in his second year with the franchise oughta see that offence moving more efficiently and even if they don’t keep opposing QBs off the field for too long with the pace they play at, the Birdies are gonna score points on anyone. After all, they have a secret weapon…
Wildcard’s Pick: Eagles by 17
Oakland Raiders (0-0) at New York Jets (0-0)
I’m not playing fantasy this season. It wasn’t a conscious decision, in fact I only truly came to that realisation when I saw these words written before me by my own hand. I’m not playing fantasy football. I just sorta never got around to it and then ran out of time. Plus it’s such a big commitment to be good at it and I always let myself down at some stage and anyway there’s always at least 3 guys that don’t even turn up to the draft and then by week 14 you’re playing against like 2 other guys and a bunch of robots. Maybe next year.
This has nothing to do with this game, I just thought you all should know.
Wildcard’s Pick: Jets by 3
Buffalo Bills (0-0) at Chicago Bears (0-0)
I think the Bills are gonna suck, and the Bears are gonna be good and that probably sums it up to be honest.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bears by 14
Cincinnati Bengals (0-0) at Baltimore Ravens (0-0)
It may only be week 1, but it’s crazy how much a season can be defined by a single game. It’s pretty likely that these two will be battling it out all season for a playoff spot and, as you well know, playing from in front is always easier. The Ravens look an improved team and they won’t have the burden of Ray Rice crawling his way to 2.5 yards a carry for the first few games either. Has there been a bigger fall from grace in the NFL in recent years? Tebow, maybe? Ray Rice was a certified top 3 running back two years ago and now he’s a punchline. Or at least… no, won’t go there.
Anyway, the Ravens are at home and if The Wire has taught me anything, it’s that the world keeps turning and Baltimore is a scary place to visit. I still have faith that the Bengals can make the playoffs but they’ll be starting from 0-1.
Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens by 3
Tennessee Titans (0-0) at Kansas City Chiefs (0-0)
Wildcard’s Pick: KC by 3
Washington Pro Football Team (0-0) at Houston Texans (0-0)
Interesting story here: WPFT owner Dan Snyder’s picked a strange time to go on ESPN and defend his team’s name. Well, anytime he goes on TV he’s gonna have to defend that name. So… bad timing of the interview, right before a new season is what I’m saying. Reminding hopeful fans of the massive controversy behind their team.
Snyder’s story is a weird one in itself. It’s the standard franchise folklore that he sticks to, how the original owner named the team after its first coach, William Henry "Lone Star" Dietz. Dietz was a famous American Indian athlete, who grew up with the legendary Jim Thorpe playing in Native American representative teams and all that. Except that his heritage has been widely questioned to the point that it’s generally accepted these days that he held no Indian heritage whatsoever. He actually served time (30 days) for fraudulently registering as a Native American citizen after bring indicted (twice) by the FBI. Really not a good example to use when trying to set the record straight over your team’s alleged racist foundations.
I think the partnership between RG3 and DeSean Jackson will be potent, even if they may have some teething issues against the Houston pass rush. Ah, but the strengths of teams are rarely the deciding factor at times like this. No, it’s the 30th ranked defence in 2013 vs Ryan Fitzpatrick and the struggling Houston offence. And I think that a healthy and refreshed Arian Foster may just be the difference on the day. It’ll be a great game.
Wildcard’s Pick: Texans by 6
New England Patriots (0-0) at Miami Dolphins (0-0)
Ol’ Man River, baby. That’s Tom Brady. Just keeps on rolling…
(Editor’s note – Actually, ‘Ol’ Man River’ is the Mighty Mississippi and the song illustrates the uncaring nature of the river as it flows on like the passages of time itself irrespective of the struggles and toils of the human race, in particular the callous hardships of the African American slaves that the song so compassionately depicts. So this is really an entirely inappropriate metaphor to use in regards to a millionaire sportsman with a supermodel wife)
((Wildcard’s Note – Oops))
Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 3
San Francisco 49ers (0-0) at Dallas Cowboys (0-0)
Full Disclosure: I am a Dallas Cowboys fan. Therefore I am delusional and illogical and everything that follows will probably reinforce those sentiments.
Ok, that gets the formalities out of the way. One of the great moments in my NFL viewing life was the game a couple years back at Candlestick Park when Tony Romo came back out with a punctured lung and a couple fractured ribs to lead the ‘Boys back to an incredible win over the 49ers. We missed the playoffs that year and they lost in overtime in the NFC Championship match. Tell ya what though: I reckon we’ve got a chance here.
Yeah, I know. But Aldon Smith is suspended, as is Ray McDonald (who’s only missed 3 starts in 3 years). They’re all over the news for the wrong reasons and I think the 49ers are a team that won’t put you away offensively, which is all the invitation Tony Romo needs given that he’s supported by a defensive unit that’d struggle in college ball. He won’t get too many chances to grind out wins but this could shockingly be one.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 3… building me up so they can knock me back down.
Carolina Panthers (0-0) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-0)
How’s this for a brutal schedule:
Buccs (A), Lions, Steelers, Ravens (A), Bears, Bengals (A), Packers (A), Seahawks, Saints, Eagles (A), Falcons… that takes us up through 12 games and every single one of them from the Steelers onwards is planning on a division title this season. I mean, that is a BRUTAL fixture list. I was typing it out waiting for the point at which they can exhale and it doesn’t come until December when they go to Minnesota and even they could be pretty good this year. I wanna see this Panthers team playing in the postseason but jeeezus it’s hard to see happening, especially with Cam Newton already banged up. If they don’t win their first two, you could argue that’s it for them.
Wildcard’s Pick: Panthers by 7
Indianapolis Colts (0-0) at Denver Broncos (0-0)
Anytime these two teams play each other now it’s the story of Peyton Manning. Well, he won’t have Wes Welker to throw to cos he’s been trippin’ at the races while Eric Decker thought it’d be a smart idea to leave for the Jets (Ha!). Peyton’s gonna bring the best out of any receivers though.
Andy Luck meanwhile has his bad boy Reggie Wayne back and we’re all better for it. Expect a high scoring game in which the Broncos hold out. They’re always winning in a shootout, let’s be honest.
Records Peyton Manning Could Break This Week:
One more game winning drive and he breaks his tie with Dan Marino for the most ever. They’ve both got 51 as of this moment.
Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 6
New York Giants (0-0) at Detroit Lions (0-0)
This is another game just begging to break into a shootout. Imagine the scene…
A dusty, western town. Not a soul in sight. Tumbleweeds bounce along the road and the wind whistles with suspense. An iron sign creaks. Water drips slowly, drop by drop, into a carefully placed bucket under a leak in a wooden roof somewhere, anywhere… nowhere.
A man steps through the silence and into the street. The spurs on his boots shiver with each step he takes into the emptiness. This man, he’s dressed in blue. A helmet adorns his head and a gun hangs from his hip. He is a giant, they call him Eli.
Eli steps into a sparsely populated saloon. He takes a seat by the bar.
“You sure got a lot of nerve there, son. Walkin’ round this here town dressed like that. No sir, we don’t take too kindly to strangers in these parts. You’d best be leaving here swiftly ‘fore someone takes exception.”
Eli just sits there, doesn’t even look up.
“You hear me boy? I’m talking to you.”
…
A pair of men sit at a nearby table playing cards. One lays down an 8 and a 7, both diamonds, and smiles at his fortune. The other mutters to himself and lays his cards face down in submission. He stands and turns and his face becomes visible beneath his lion crested Stetson hat. He is tall, round-jawed and curly haired. Younger than he appeared in the company of his partner. Over he strolls to the bar and he slams his fist down.
“Gimme something strong, friend. I’m on a losing streak. What are you looking at?”
“Nothin’,” mumbles Eli.
The men stare at each other, brows furled and hands poised inches from their respective weapons. For a second the world stops turning. Then a barstool creaks and all hell is let loose.
Wildcard’s Pick: Lions by 7
San Diego Chargers (0-0) at Arizona Cardinals (0-0)
And to close things out we have a couple of teams that surprised us in making the playoffs last time – even if the Chargers needed some dodgy refereeing to make it they still deserved it. Phil Rivers and Carson Palmer are both QBs who’ve had their fair share of doubters only to keep putting up numbers year after year (a few too many number in the interception column some may argue). Rivers especially had a wonderful bounce back season in 2013, defying the doubters and the cruel, uncaring passages of time… (Editor’s note – Hey! Don’t even think about it!)
Wildcard’s Pick: Chargers by 3
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. Aside from his role as a specialist NFL previewer, he also balances lucrative careers as a freeform jazz-fusion virtuoso, a Space Cowboy and a Fictional Bio Writer.