THE COWBOYS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! THEY’RE IN THE PLAYOFFS!

Yes, after years of ridicule and derision, my occasionally hapless/occasionally dazzling NFL team of choice is back playing in the postseason. A season of wonderful precision and application culminated in a crucial win over the Philadelphia Eagles and a dismantling of the Indianapolis Colts to book a playoff spot with a week to go. And now they face the Detroit Lions in the NFC Wildcard round. I’ll admit I didn’t see this coming six months ago, few people did. And I almost don’t believe I’m saying this now, but I’m actually pretty confident too! (Update: Vindication hard earned. Phew.)

I started supporting the Dallas Cowboys on a whim. I’d watched a few Superbowls and I was starting to really enjoy it all, so I figured there are two sure-fire ways to go all-in on a new sport (these tactics hold up, too).

Make a fantasy team
Pick a team to support

I did both. The fantasy thing is easy, you just follow the expert advice and sit back as you find yourself developing passionate, personal connections with the players in your side. Plus it gives you a reason to watch and something (irrational) to root for during the games. How do you pick a team to support though?

For me it was simple. Chuck the telly on and pick the first lot you see. So I did. The Dallas Cowboys were playing the Denver Broncos. A 1 yard rushing TD from Marion Barber (oh, there was a rollercoaster ride I didn’t see coming…) gave Dallas an early lead, but Kyle Orton’s Broncos came back to take it 17-10 thanks to a 51 yard TD pass to Brandon Marshall. The Broncos won the game but the Cowboys won my heart. I can’t remember why. In hindsight, it may have been a mistake.

That was in 2009. The Cowboys made the playoffs that season. With three games to go it seemed like a collapse was on the cards. Until they broke the New Orleans Saints’ unbeaten season in week 15 and shut out the R**skins and Eagles in the final two weeks. They beat the Eagles in the first round of the playoffs – the franchise’s first playoff win since 1996 – the year after their most recent Superbowl Championship. Then lost to Brett Favre’s Minnesota Vikings in the next round.

It was a promising start to a tumultuous affair. Ain’t they all? I’d followed the NFL from a distance for a few years before that, so I knew about the drought. I knew about the reputation of undrafted QB Tony Romo. But little did I know how bad it would get. 2014 will be the first time I get to see my team in the postseason since.

The problems started long before I came along. In the mid-1990s the Dallas Cowboys were the best team in the league, perhaps the most storied team of all time (along with the San Francisco 49ers and Pittsburgh Steelers, anyway). Troy Aikman, Deion Sanders, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin… Superbowls in 1992, 1993 and 1995… they weren’t just a great team but an enormous brand. I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that Homer Simpson dreaming of owning the Dallas Cowboys would have played a big part in the decision at the end of my self-imposed fan ultimatum. Especially since Homer eventually ended up with the Denver Broncos. (“Ohhh, the Denver Broncos!” “I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.” “Yeah yeah...” “Well explain to me why it isn't.” [Sighs] “You just don't understand football, Marge.”)

But then that lot got old. They retired or they left. Troy Aikman became Quincy Carter became Chad Hutchinson became Vinny Testaverde became Drew Bledsoe. The ‘Bigger in Texas’ thing got out of hand as ill-discipline and bad attitudes crept into the franchise. The 2000s began with three straight 5-11 seasons – the team had become a joke. New head coach Bill Parcells returned them to playoffs in 2003 but they lost in the wildcard game. Then in 2006 Drew Bledsoe got hurt and in came this fella named Tony Romo. He usurped Bledsoe as the starter and took the team to the playoffs for just the second time in seven years. This was when the Cowboys went from irrelevant former power to mediocre contender and perennial chokers. They always seemed to be there or thereabouts, just close enough to lose horrendously in a crucial game.

Behold: the complete, tragic and very personal history.

(NB. This spans Tony Romo’s entire career, but he is categorically not a choker. For several seasons he was the only reason they even got close)

2006 Season:

Where it all began. Drew Bledsoe was the starting QB, Bill Parcells the head coach. The team looked good coming into the season, they were building upon something and some experts even had them going a long way in the playoffs. But an inconsistent start saw them anchor some decent wins to rough losses to both the Giants and Eagles and after an abysmal first half by Bledsoe (a safety and a crucial interception that cost a TD for the lead) in that Giants game, in came Antonio Ramiro Romo. The Giants pulled away in the second but Parcells saw enough from young Romo to stick with him.

The Cowboys won five of their next six games including victory over the unbeaten Colts in week 11, though lost three of four to finish the regular season. Most crucial among them was a week 16 loss to Philadelphia that gave the Eagles the division and a disappointing loss to the 2-13 Lions in the final week saw them limp in as fifth seed.

They faced Matt Hasselbeck’s Seattle Seahawks away in the wildcard round. The teams traded field goals to start, thought the ‘Boys took the lead into half time thanks to a Romo TD to Patrick Clayton. Seattle regained the lead on a 15 yard pass, though not for long as rookie Miles Austin returned the kick-off 93 yards for a score. 17-13 to Dallas, 5:57 left in the third. A field goal increased the lead to 10 with 10:15 remaining in the game – Dallas in position for their first playoff win in a decade.

That was when it all fell apart. A safety and another Hasselbeck TD gave the ‘Hawks the lead, and although the Cowboys got themselves back in position for the lead with a 19 yard field goal, Romo botched the hold. He picked it up and ran for the goal-line but was brought down 2 yards shy. Seattle runs the clock down, Romo’s last second Hail Mary is no good. The narrative is set.

2007 Season:

The next season the Cowboys picked up where they couldn’t quite leave off. Romo showed all that he was far from a fluke in his second season, though there were those elements of gunslinging and forcing plays that he became known for. In week 5 against the Bills (in a nationally televised game) he somehow threw five interceptions and lost a fumble yet still won the game. He threw 4211 yards on the season and 36 TDs (only Tom Brady had more TD passes – an NFL record 50 that season), both franchise records. It was a crazy hot season, and a playoff berth was sealed as early as week 13 when the 10-1 ‘Boys beat the 10-1 Green Bay Packers on 4 Romo TD passes. They finished 13-3 with the NFC’s top seed.

They faced the New York Giants, a team they’d beaten twice in the regular season. Dallas made a few mistakes, penalties and drops were costing them, though thy still managed to go ahead 14-7 with 53 seconds left in the half. That was plenty enough time for Eli Manning to tie things up by the break. A field goal restored the lead until Brandon Jacobs ran it in for the G-Men, who led 21-17 early in the fourth. Ultimately it came down to Dallas’ final drive. 48 yards to go in 1:50, a touchdown needed for the win. A brilliant shovel pass to Jason Witten had Dallas to the 22 with 31 secs left to tick. Then came a false start, a short completion and a couple bad passes. On 4th & 11 at the 23 with 16 second left, Romo forced one into the endzone and was intercepted. Game over, season over. The first team to lose as top seed at this stage since the playoffs expanded in 1990. The Giants? Well you know what they did next, rolling all the way to the Superbowl where a certain helmet catch helped them past the unbeaten New England Patriots in a shocking upset.

2008 Season:

This year the Cowboys entered December with an 8-4 record. And then lost two of three, meaning that the week 17 clash in Philadelphia against the Eagles became an effective playoff playoff game. The less said about what followed the better. Romo was picked off once and fumbled twice in a 44-6 loss. It was horrific.

At this point Romo was dating Jessica Simpson, which had been a bit of a controversy the previous season. His December record dropped to 5-8 and despite another solid if slightly slumping season (he’s only once had a worse passer rating than his 91.4 in 2008), it was Tony Romo once more copping the blame for a late collapse. It was also the season he first started dealing with injuries, a broken finger costing him three games. He also collapsed in the changing rooms after that devastating loss to Philly with an apparent rib injury.

2009 Season:

The year it all came together. Sort of.

At 8-5 it was gonna be a scrap for the postseason… until a crushingly impressive win over the undefeated New Orleans Saints. Big plays from Romo, Miles Austin and DeMarcus Ware gave Dallas a 17-3 lead at HT, though Drew Brees (on his way to being awarded Superbowl MVP later that season) came roaring back and the Saints scored twice in the fourth and a missed Nick Folk field goal gave Brees the chance to drive for the tying touchdown. Until a strip sack from Ware sealed a famous win. Following that game, the Cowboys had back to back shutouts of division rivals, beating Washington 17-0 to book a playoff berth and Philly 24-0 to win the NFC East.

A rematch the following week with the Eagles was next. The par would combine for an NFL record 23 penalties and 228 penalty yards, as the Cowboys surged with a 27 point second quarter. From there they did what so few Cowboys teams have done in recent years: they closed out. 4760 days after their last postseason win they finally had another, ending a six game playoff skid. “The demons are GONE!” declared Jerry Jones, Tony Romo and coach Wade Phillips were redeemed with their first career playoff victories.

The next week they lost 34-3 to Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings.

2010 Season:

Aaaand sharply back to earth again with a thud. Wade Phillips was sacked in the 2010 season as Dallas started 1-7. A game-winning touchdown in week 1 vs Washington was overturned for an offensive holding flag. Romo threw for over 400 yards against the Titans in the fifth game but two fourth quarter interceptions gave Tennessee the win. In a week 7 loss to the Giants, Romo would leave the game early with a broken clavicle. He was placed on injured reserve soon after with veteran Jon Kitna taking over. An embarrassing 45-7 loss to the Packers was the lowlight of the 2010 campaign, though new coach Jason Garrett, with his promises of stricter leadership and professionalism, was able to win 5 of his 8 games as Dallas finished 6-10. No devastating choke jobs here, just 8 losses by a touchdown or less and a chunk of mediocrity. Rookie wide receiver Dez Bryant made a few waves though…

2011 Season:

This was where strategies were altered a little. Tyron Smith was selected ninth overall in the draft, signifying a new emphasis on building the offensive line that is now such a strength. The effects would take a while to show, however.

2011 was the year I’d call Peak Cowboys. The season where they best captured the brilliant-one-second, awful-the-next factor. Where late game collapses and incredible game winning drives seem to come in alternating weeks. Where Romo rode the rollercoaster of rough turnovers and single-handed brilliance. And of course there was a December capitulation.

It started with a blown chance in New York against the Jets. One of the rare games where it actually was Tony Romo’s fault. A 14 point fourth quarter lead became 7 but should have been more as Romo chose not to risk a 9 yard dig at the endzone, instead running it himself… only to fumble. A blocked punt tied the game yet Romo still had this one in his hand. Then he threw it into Darrelle Revis’ hands and former Cowboys kicker Nick Folk hit the winning field goal.

But the next week came one of Romo’s greatest ever wins. Down for the count with a broken rib and a punctured lung, somehow he was able to return and lead his team to the win. Dan Bailey missed the chance to win it with a late field goal, but he redeemed himself in OT after Romo hit Jesse Holley (Who? Exactly) for a 77 yard completion. Romo posted a 116.4 passer rating in the game. With a broken rib and a punctured lung. He’d have to wear a protective Kevlar vest for the rest of the season.

The Lions scored 17 fourth quarter points in week 4 as the ‘Boys blew a 27-3 lead for their biggest ever blown lead, Romo was intercepted three times. The Romocoaster was alive and well. With an impressive win on the cards against the Patriots in week 6, the Dallas D was clinically picked and carved to pieces by Tom Brady inside the two-minute warning. Then DeMarco Murray had his breakout game, with 253 yards in a win over the Rams. A few weeks later Tony Romo was practically flawless against the Bills. Late escapes against Washington and Miami had the Cowboys at 7-4.

They then lost to the Cardinals in overtime after Garrett iced his own kicker. He called a timeout just as Dan Bailey’s 49-yarder for the win sailed through, and Bailey missed the next attempt. Next they played the Giants, who were pretty much a loss from being eliminated after four of them in a row already. Dallas led by 12 late in the fourth, when Eli Manning cut that to five with a TD pass to Jake Ballard. The Cowboys then went three-and-out when Romo missed Miles Austin for an open completion and first down (Austin said he lost it in the lights, so his fault) and the Giants took the lead with under a minute to play. Romo, on his way to posting the highest passer rating of any QB in a losing game that season, took his team down the field and into field goal range. Bailey hit it but the Giants had called a timeout. On the legitimate attempt Jason Pierre-Paul got through to block the kick.

A win against the Buccaneers gave them hope, but then Romo was injured against the Eagles and they lost. It all came down to a decider against the Giants. They never got close, down 21-0 at half time and eventually losing 31-14. There were chances, a couple missed fumble recoveries, a 4th and 1 not converted and missed tackles that led to touchdowns. Romo needed a pain-killing injection to play with a badly bruised hand. By this stage it was Romo or bust, he had to do everything. They only had a franchise-low 2 rushing TDs. 8-8 and no playoffs.

The Giants went on to win another Superbowl just to rub it all in. Probably the main reason that I hate them so damn much.

2012 Season:

Coming off his best ever season, Tony Romo was far more up and down in 2012. Sprinkled among some pristine quarterbacking, there were games like his 5 INT loss to Chicago and his 4 INT loss to the Giants. That Giants loss was still almost a win, only a literal fingertip cost them a thrilling win as Dez Bryant’s TD was narrowly overturned for landing out of bounds. I remember this one well because my internet connection cut out just as he caught the pass. I thought he’d scored and let’s just say I wasn’t too happy when I finally got the thing fixed.

Jason Garrett’s awful clock management cost a possible win in Baltimore, and by the back end of the season injuries were crippling them. Still, a 3 game win streak had the Cowboys tied for first place at 8-6. A Romo classic against New Orleans wasn’t enough as Rob Ryan’s sole season as defensive coordinator in Dallas hit its nadir. They just couldn’t stop Drew Brees and so once more it came down to the final game. Washington vs Dallas, winner goes to the postseason.

This was Robert Griffin III’s rookie season, back when he was fit and good. He didn’t matter. Romo was intercepted on Dallas’ first two possessions and then again on their final one. Alfred Morris ran all over them in between that and the R**skins won by 28-18. ‘Boys finish 8-8 again and miss the playoffs. At this stage Tony Romo was still considered a clutch liability by many, DeMarco Murray had shown signs of what was to come but it looked like he’d never finish a season without a debilitating injury and the defence was a porous as a sponge.

2013 Season:

Despite the heat, Romo got a big contract extension before the 2013 season. The offence was looking dangerous but there was next to no talent on defence. Injuries to Sean Lee and DeMarcus Ware didn’t help that either.

Romo was brilliant in 2013. Dez Bryant was brilliant in 2013. DeMarco Murray had 1121 yards (the first 1k rusher in Dallas since 2006). Ah, and yet they missed the playoffs with a historically useless defensive unit. They scored 48 against the Denver Broncos and still lost. They got sliced and diced by New Orleans, lost to a Matt Stafford QB sneak on the last play against Detroit, couldn’t hold off Aaron Rodgers and the Packers, hell or even Josh McCown and the Bears. That last one’s a soul-crusher with hindsight.

There was hope going into the final game after one of Tony Romo’s most incredible wins. He led his team to a game-winning TD against Washington to keep their season alive with what was later diagnosed as a herniated disc that required surgery. Jason Garrett called it Romo’s finest moment but it did mean that he was out for the decider against Philadelphia. In came Kyle Orton and just as every lounge-chair critic in the world would have scripted, the Cowboys’ season ended on an Orton interception. Three straight 8-8 seasons. At least this time the writing was on the wall.

…

And so we come to the present moment. Tony Romo’s MVP calibre true self has been revealed to all. The offence is loaded with weapons, the defence, despite losing Sean Lee to injury before the season started and DeMarcus Ware to free agency (their two best defensive players), somehow they’ve managed to play well enough to stay afloat and even make a few big plays. Rolando McClain might be the comeback player of the year. DeMarco Murray broke the franchise record for rush yards. The offensive line is the best in the NFL. Jason Garrett, relieved of the play calling, suddenly looks like a competent, confident head coach. All that remains is a redemptive playoff run.

I’ll get back to you on that one.