The Wildcard’s NFL Predictions - Week 3
Last Week: 7-9
Season: 18-14
Washington R**skins (1-1) at New York Giants (0-2)
Yep, just as Albert King once sang: “If it wasn’t for bad luck…”
Man was last week brutal. I got absolutely slaughtered in my picks. I mean, what nefarious witchcraft is at play for the Buccanneers, R**skins, Jaguars and Raiders all to win ON THE SAME DAY! There is no sense to be made of that, I only hope the devil got his due before he agreed to it.
On ESPN’s Eliminator Challenge, only 5.6% of people are still alive after two weeks. The highest backed team to pull through was the Steelers with 3.2% of picks. Meanwhile 87% of people had the Saints, Ravens, Dolphins, Colts, Rams or Titans. That gives you a fair indication of how completely wild that round of results was. It’s still early days and teams are in various states of bluffing as to how good they think they are, but that’s a hefty amount of bad luck all at once.
The ‘Skins and Giants seem to know a bit about bad luck these days. The kind of bad luck that you make yourself, granted. Like, when you blow back to back double-figure fourth quarter leads then you shouldn’t be pointing fingers anywhere but at the mirror. And as for the ‘skins… actually they were pretty decent against the Dolphins. The running game appeared out of nowhere and with the yards ticking over on their own, Kirk Cousins turned into a really good quarterback (I'm still a fan). Problem is I don’t see that continuing against the G-Men and that’s gonna turn itself into turnovers. But if it doesn’t and they win, then watch out because given how the Eagles and struggling and the Cowboys are so banged up, the R**skins might be storming for the playoffs.
Wildcard’s Pick: Giants by more than they can leak in the fourth. Cousins was good, but he’s never gonna be Romo/Ryan good. The predictable late comeback’ll fall short.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-0) at Baltimore Ravens (0-2)
Hey Tyler Eifert, introduce yourself, please.
Yeah, g’day to you too champ. For a big fella, you sure can move. Nothing much the wideouts are gonna love more than a deep-threat tight end that draws secondary attention to himself. Ravens coach Jeff Harbaugh said he think the Bengals are the most talented team in the NFL and they might just be that too. Even Andy ‘The Definition of Middling’ Dalton is looking flawless, 5 TDs and 0 INTs so far with a QBR hovering around 120. The Red Rocket is firing.
Ordinarily the Ravens would be a perfect team to bust those numbers up but without Terrell Suggs they can’t seem to generate any pass rush. If Dalton’s just hurling from in the pocket then he’s gonna be a happy chappie.
After last week I’m tempted to pick an underdog win but I’m staying disciplined with a Bengals victory. Don’t stray from the process, Wildcard. Keep doing your job.
Dammit.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 6
Oakland Raiders (1-1) at Cleveland Browns (1-1)
Folks, I’m confused.
What does John Manziel (newly matured) have to do to hold that starting spot? He outplayed Marcus Mariota last week and now he’s back on the bench for Josh McCown, who the Browns, to be fair, have always said is their number one. But like… McCown sucks, ya know? He’s 36 and useless. Manziel has long term potential and, if he’s obvisouly not as ‘polished’, then he makes up for that with Big Play Ability. I s’pose they think they’re in a playoff race still so the future’s just gonna have to wait for those delusions to fade out. The Browns are a decent side but they’re the fourth best in their division. 6 or 7 wins seems about right. Here’s one of them.
Wildcard’s Pick: Browns by 6
New Orleans Saints (0-2) at Carolina Panthers (2-0)
Irresolution:
the faithful now rescind
as Saints fall to their knees
throwing leather to the wind
casting doubt upon the Bree(ze)s
Wildcard’s Pick: Panthers by 5
Atlanta Falcons (2-0) at Dallas Cowboys (2-0)
Oh, Tony, why? Why did you have to do this to me once more!?
Until at least late November, the Dallas Cowboys offence will be run by Brandon Weeden and maybe Matt Cassel if he fails. I’ll be honest though, as a Cowboys fan I should be calling this the end of the world. I should be hunkering in Flanders’ bunker, and yet instead I seem to have this twinkling of hope in my heart, flickering like a wax candle burning low.
You see, Weeden isn’t as bad as he was in Cleveland. He’s got a fine throw on him, it’s only his brain that lets him down and he’s had some decent coaching since then. Plus this is a team with a different identity. He won’t be asked to take risks and create plays like Romo is, they’ll be a running team first and foremost. With that O-Line, it’s still possible. It’d still be nice if he had Dez to throw to as well though. Whatever. This Cowboys team can grind. Get Romo back within reaching distance of the playoffs and all is well. It helps that their division is rubbish all of a sudden.
Apparently Jason Witten’s injured too, but he’ll play. This is a guy who once tried to get his doctors to sign a note excluding them from any culpability if he hurt himself playing half-fit. As Jack White might say, a seven nation army couldn’t hold him back.
Hmm, but the Falcons are quite talented themselves and I’ve very worried what Julio Jones may do against what’s not a fantastic Dallas secondary.
Wildcard’s Pick: Falcons by 4
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) at Houston Texans (0-2)
Wildcard’s Pick: T for Texas, L for Tampa Bay
Indianapolis Colts (0-2) at Tennessee Titans (1-1)
Don’t look now, but Andy Luck’s been kinda crap this season.
- Luck vs Bills: 26 of 49 / 243 yards / 2 TDs / 2 INTs / 63.6 QBR
- Luck vs Jets: 21 of 37 / 250 yards / 1 TD / 3 INTs / 52.8 QBR
That’s not good. Not even for a QB that’s never really been one to complete at a high percentage. Nor has he been all that shy of an interception in the past, 18 in his rookie year, 16 last year (and 9 in 2013). All the same, Luck’s supposed to be leading this team to the Super Bowl and here they are at 0-2.
But if we’re playing it fair then it has to be said that his offensive line is quite abysmal. Always chopping and changing, the only thing that stays the same is that Luck’s getting hit all the time. The only reason his sack rate is so low is because he’s got that preternatural vision for a pass rusher and can get the ball out of his hands nice and quick. Which partly explains the low completion.
What I will say is that it gets easier from here on. The Bills and Jets look to have two of the premier defences in the NFL and with due respect to the Dolphins, Broncos and Panthers, the Colts have probably gotten their two toughest O-Line tasks out of the way early. Those three named teams have quality pass rushing that’ll rough Lucky up a fair bit, yet they don’t have the suffocating secondaries and once Andre Johnson and T.Y. Hilton (who’s hobbling a bit) get an inch of space then things will improve sharply.
Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by 13
San Diego Chargers (1-1) at Minnesota Vikings (1-1)
Wildcard’s Pick: Umm, gimme Chargers by 6
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) at New England Patriots (2-0)
Finally, a team I can trust. Well, not trust to keep footballs at properly inflated levels… but trust to win games anyway.
Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 20
Philadelphia Eagles (0-2) at New York Jets (2-0)
OH SNAP, PHILLY ARE TERRIBLE!
It’s not just the treadmill running game or Sam Bradford’s inability/refusal to throw a ball further than 15 yards or the turnstile offensive line that ties those two together either. (Though the Eagles had more than a little success in the same scheme last season when Foles went deep to Maclin – both now gone). Their highest paid defensive player, Byron Maxwell, got picked on all day by the Cowboys. For context, Maxwell recently signed a 6 year/$64m extension. The Cowboys played without their top WR and finished without their franchise QB.
They might beat the Jets, the Jets have a couple offensive weaknesses themselves. But based on the last couple weeks, it’s actually hard to see the Eagles making even 100 yards on this defence. Most likely they won’t play as bad as they did with the ball against Dallas again all season, however this Jets defence is as good as it gets. If Fitzy doesn’t throw it away at the other end (which he shouldn’t – DO YOUR JOB!) then we’re in for a very improbable 0-3 and an even more improbable 3-0.
Wildcard’s Pick: Jets by 3
Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (1-1)
Here are some facts about Antonio Brown:
- 34 games in a row he’s caught at least 5 passes for 50 yards.
- So far in 2015 he has had games of 9 rec / 133 yds / 1 TD vs Patriots and 9 rec / 195 yds / 1 TD (& 1 2pt) vs 49ers.
- Even at just 27 years old, only Hines Ward, John Stallworth and Heath Miller have more catches as a Steeler.
- His 328 receiving yards are far and away the most in the NFL through two weeks. Only Julio Jones (also a beastly WR) is within 120 yards. AFTER ONLY TWO WEEKS!
- That’s the fifth most receiving yards after week 2 since 1970.
- His hair is shaped like a lego block (I think).
- Also this:
Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers out-gun ‘em by a touchdown.
San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Arizona Cardinals (2-0)
The Pope’s in America. Of course the Cardinals are gonna win.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cardies by 7, bless them.
Buffalo Bills (1-1) at Miami Dolphins (1-1)
This one’s for you, Ndamukong Suh:
Freestyling your own audibles on defensive calls? Maaaaate.
Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphs in a tight one. Home field edging it.
Chicago Bears (0-2) at Seattle Seahawks (0-2)
Good news, Seahawks fans. The holdout is over. Kam Chancellor is back.
Look, Chancellor doesn’t fix that offensive line. He won’t get Jimmy Graham or the wide receivers more involved. But he’ll do absolute magic with the defence.
''I just feel like the time is now. I've always been a guy who follows my heart. Just watching my teammates and my team play, week to week, that first and second game, watching those losses hurt me, being the leader that I am. So I think the time is now to come back, put all business to the side and address that after the season, just get back to work.'' - KC
Not only that but after tough losses to the Rams and Packers, the schedule is only gonna get easier. Brutal start, maybe. Not much to worry about in the long run other than ironing out a couple things.
By the way, look at the struggles they’ve had without Chancellor and suddenly his holdout looks pretty reasonable. He’s arguably their most important defensive player, he deserves not to be taken for granted. PAY THE MAN!
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by heaps.
Denver Broncos (2-0) at Detroit Lions (0-2)
The Broncos may look like they’re having all sorts of troubles with the ball, but I’d rather them than the Lions right now. Still waiting to see Staffy pull it all together in 2015. Once again, I’m really tempted to pick the underdog for no reason other than that they need it more, but… argh goddammit.
Yeah fine, let’s risk this sucker…
Wildcard’s Pick: Lions by 0.5
Kansas City Chiefs (1-1) at Green Bay Packers (2-0)
Come on. Aaron Rodgers at home is a lock in every time. If he beat the Seahawks, then he can beat the slightly less good version of the Seahawks too. 418 pass attempts at Lambeau since Rodgers’ last home interception. That’s history right there.
Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 7
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. Born under a bad sign, he’s been down since he began to crawl. If it wasn't for bad luck, he wouldn't have no luck at all.