I left a perfectly good bbq on Saturday night. I left, just after my Uncle and his best bud JT turned up to my parents place - geared up in their Stoke and Liverpool shirts, ready to talk EPL and other bullshit.

Dad had gone upstairs and thrown his alternative Leeds United jersey on and I was donning the blue Man United away shirt. It was all on. I should have stayed. I should have stayed and talked bollocks. I should have stayed and had too many beers. I should have stayed, I should have saved the diesel and made better use of my time. Shoulda’ coulda’ woulda’ ... didn’t.

I walked out the door, got in the wagon and whizzed on over to the Wilkotrons place. To watch the Phoenix.

Why? Why, oh why. If I could go back & take the red pill over the blue pill, it’d be a no brainer. I’m stuck with a terrible memory. That scene in Django Unchained where the mandingo fighter gets mauled by the dogs? Yeah, imagine the footballing version of that. Cringe worthy.

A 5-0 loss is always a big shock, but it happens. Look at this seasons EPL. What is less excusable is 3 similar results in one season. But it’s worse than that, even. Everything was going pretty sweet up until round 19 when the Nix lost to Melbourne Heart 5-0. Since then they’ve had 5-1 loss to Adelaide and now a 5-0 spanking from Newcastle. It’s bad.

It’s even doubly worse because the Nix get out of the blocks with a hiss and a roar. Knocking the ball around, Krishna looking dangerous, Boyd getting involved and linking up with Huysegems. A couple of half chances go begging and then, out of nowhere, someone disconnects the power lead. A poofter goal for a a poofter player – Emily Heskey turns home a corner for Newcastle, completely unmarked at the far post.

If the opposition have a mad dog in the box in the mould of Carlos Puyol or good ol’ Vidic, they’re hard to keep a hold of. Some big, tough bastard desperate to bash skulls, smash bodies and thump the ball into the net. It makes set pieces bloody hard to defend. The nix conceded 3 from set pieces, but unlike the formentioned, these corners weren’t hard to defend. Abysmal marking allowed 3 volleys from inside the box, all converted without a yellow shirt in sight of the scorer. Yeah, 2 of the goals were crackers, but it’s made ten times easier when you aren’t under pressure.

Soft goals like these are pretty unforgivable for the Nix at the moment. If they’re gonna sneak into the top 6 it needs to be 3 wins from the final 3 games. 2 of those wins need to be against teams who also need 3 wins from 3 to make top 6.

They need to show guts. A team losing games 5-0 is not generally a team showcasing a lot of that particular attribute.

Desperate marking at set pieces will be a good start. Keeping up the positive passing and forward movements, and pressing hard for the 90 minutes will be a non-negotiable. Finally, keeping the heads up if a goal IS conceded. Lately, this has been the problem. Folding like a pack of cards. The kind of card folding that needs a certain type of hair-drying to re-assemble. Either that or a 300-like war speech from Ernie.

If the desperation to win doesn’t kick in this week, it’ll be too late.