The Wildcard’s Premier League Predictions Week 23
Last Week: 3/10
Overall: 88/220
Norwich City vs Liverpool
Sunday 1.45am
Aaaaaalrighty then. Ripping straight into this bad boy, I feel a strong need to remind Norwich fans of a significant happening in the recent history of Liverpool Football Club.
It just seems like there might be a little shellshock there still from their last spell in the top flight. Anyway, this is a considerably different Liverpool team, one that loses to Boring Man United. You know who didn’t lose to them? Norwich. The Canaries beat ‘em 2-1 a few weeks back.
Also, at the time of writing this, Norwich happen to be the highest PL spenders of the January window so far. A solid £21.7m on five players, most notably Steven Naismith and Timm Klose, though any one of the top few teams could beat that tally in one hefty swing (like if Liverpool's Alex Teixeira move goes through). That’s cool though, those are the things a team like this need to do to survive. Smart, considered investments in solid players. A couple disappointing results in a row but there’s plenty hope yet. There’s hope for everyone except Aston Villa, really.
I’m a bit unsure what to reckon about Liverpool. So far all this Kloppery has made them a superb threat to the biggest teams but they don’t seem nearly so capable against the teams that ask them to dominate a game. And the amount of chances they wasted against United, bloody hell. Gotta figure that one out lads. Their biggest problem is the endless fixture list, though it helps when the kids can get them through in the Cup.
Music Banter:
Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool 2-0
Manchester United vs Southampton
Sunday 4.00am
The biggest fault in Southampton’s season has been not having Morgan Schneiderlin, so it’ll be fun to see him up against his buddy Victor Wanyama. Although I’m keener to see James Ward-Prowse if he can get the start, he scored a wicked free kick the other day, one of the best set piece takers in England – the rest is slowly catching up too.
I read that Louis Van Gaal is considering quitting at the end of the season under all the pressure. Don’t believe that for a second. I almost think he’d prefer to be sacked, that way he can moan that nobody bought into his fabled philosophy and that was the root of all the issues.
Wildcard’s Pick: United 1-0
Leicester City vs Stoke City
Sunday 4.00am
I reckon now is a good time for another Leicester City win to get that title chasing bus back on track. It’s one win in seven in all competitions, that’s regular old mid-table stuff unfortunately – a label that either of these teams is playing to. Hell, Stoke are up in seventh place. SEVENTH! This is freakin’ Stoke we’re talking about.
It’s one of those ‘Nobody Woulda Believed It A Year Ago’ things but this game will be decided on the wings. Both teams can score goals and while it’s always been a factor of Stoke’s play, the last few months have seen Leicester begin to defend with quality too. Mahrez and Albrighton against Arnautovic and Shaqiri (if the latter is fit, of course). Chuck in a lil Bojan and some Vardy and I’ll be pissed if this one ends 0-0.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Watford vs Newcastle United
Sunday 4.00am
I seem to be sinking into a mid-season slump with the pickies. After sorta five rounds I was hoping for an upturn that’d get me around 50%, now I’m hoping to cling to the one-in-three I’ve been tracking at recently. And I love it. There are few sports leagues as tough to predict as this one and that’s the beauty of it all. No, I’m not just making excuses either. My new life’s goal is to someday have a perfect round of PL Picks. I’ve not managed it with the NFL yet, my best is 14-2. This season’s Premier League I think my best is a very commendable 7/10. It's been too unpredictable.
Like Watford losing to Swansea or Newcastle beating West Ham last week. And it’s a big week for the relegation threatened because not only is there this game (Watford aren’t relegation threatened per se but as a promoted side they won’t be happy ‘til it’s all said and done), there’s also the WBA vs Villa game and Sunderland are playing Bournemouth. Then add in that there are FA Cup games next weekend so these are the last Premier League games of the month and nobody likes those extra few days of stewing after a bad result, and you have some lofty stakes.
Watford are a team that won me over a while ago, though their recent results show a little tiredness that’s about right for a team that lives on a very steady first XI. Newcastle, man, I’ve been waiting all year for them to turn it around like the standard of their team (and owner’s investment – which is a new barb for the Toon) deserves. Jonjo Shelvey is a fascinating one too. I wrote last week that I thought he was a decent enough purchase but hardly all that they need, then he goes and plays a good part in both goals in a man of the match performance on debut. Cheers to you, Jonjo.
I guess what I misjudged is the effect of having a player able to play so direct. They have good midfielders there. Jack Colback is a worker bee, Moussa Sissoko is at his best charging forward. But Shelvey has the range of passing that neither of those dudes possess. He can flick the switch to *attack* better than either of them and it was that directness that caught West Ham out. I wonder if it might do the same to Watford.
Wildcard’s Pick: Sitting on my hands again, let’s say 1-1
Crystal Palace vs Tottenham Hotspur
Sunday 4.00am
For the eleventh year running, Real Madrid topped the Deloitte list of the richest clubs in the world. That’s no surprise. But scan down the list and you find Crystal Palace sneaking in at 28th. Five Premier League teams sit in the top ten (led by Man Utd at third) with nine in the top 20 and 17 in the top 30. Spurs are up one spot to 12th. I mean, bank robbers out there (do people still do that or is it one of those ‘only on TV things like doughnuts and cops or old balding guys getting laid like movie stars?), if you’re tired of the same old holdups going all Dog Day Afternoon then there are plenty of Premier League clubs out there well-stocked in the coffers.
Palace are not playing well and that’s about what you get when you don’t have a decent striker in your team. Not one that Pards can rely on anyway. The sooner Yannick Bolasie returns the better because he’s the main man behind so many of their attacking forays. Without him it’s been slack. Connor Wickham returned against City though, and Dwight Gayle will be close behind him.
Can’t imagine a relatively rampant Spurs team are gonna miss out here. Maybe they get held to a point by one of those CPFC siege defences but more likely there are a couple goals in it. If a couple goals against Sunderland, albeit lucky ones, are a sign that Christian Eriksen is rounding the corner into form then there’s the final ingredient right there.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Spurs
Sunderland vs Bournemouth
Sunday 4.00am
Do you reckon if I used my magical powers (of bribery and corruption) to arrange this game as a ‘Winner Stays Up/Loser is Relegated’ playoff (draw and we carry on as usual), would the two teams agree to that wager? I’d say Big Sam takes it before I even finish my sentence.
Speaking of Big Sam, did you see this? They grow up so quickly…
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
West Bromwich Albion vs Aston Villa
Sunday 4.00am
Midlands Derby, get at it. There’s nothing like a short away trip to make you hate a team. Hey, if the Villans can’t get up for that, and on the back of a win too, then why are they even trying?
Why indeed.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 WBA
West Ham United vs Manchester City
Sunday 6.30am
So says the Hammers’ co-owner. He’s not wrong, ol’ David Gold. They beat Liverpool twice already (and will have a dig at a third in the FA Cup a few weeks into the future) and are about to take a shot at a rare double over City too. Hell, they might even do Arsenal again if they’re lucky. This is a rare West Ham team that actually peaks in the biggest games.
David Gold’s an interesting fella, if you haven’t taken a peek at his life story before. He’s 79 years old, born and bred in East London, growing up for a time in the shadows of Upton Park. His father was a career criminal but the poor lad grew up to be rich, making a fortune in the homely business of selling lingerie and adult magazines. Now he owns his boyhood footy club.
His autobiography is named ‘Solid Gold’. It’s available for free in pdf somewhere on the internet (try his website, I can't be bothered) if you fancy a deeper dive into the bloke’s life and times. I haven’t read it myself but I’m sure it’s a cracker.
Goldy (and his co-owner David Sullivan) pulled off quite the coup this week too, beating out Everton to the signing of Leeds winger/defender Sam Byram despite an offer already being accepted and personal terms in discussion. Sounds like more footy at West Ham was the kicker. He’s a good signing who’ll challenge immediately for their first string right back spot, what with Carl Jenkinson falling out of favour and James Tomkins more of a central player.
It ain’t gonna happen against City, but.
Wildcard’s Pick: City 2-1
Everton vs Swansea City
Monday 2.30am
So the first game of the Post-Shelvey era went alright for the Swans. Seems like a great bit of business for all parties involved. It seemed like that whole thing got a bit messy for Swansea’s liking, there’s just a little bit of Joey Barton about that dude (great passer, hard worker, questionable motives) and nothing will have proved that like the clip of him giving up late in the FA Cup loss, with the transfer probably already mostly done.
Everton are tops at Goodison, Swansea aren’t flash on the road. As it happens the Toffees have only lost once to Swansea in their entire history. 15 wins and 8 draws in 24 games. The only loss was a 3-0 doing in the League Cup in 2014-15, needless to say that was not a full-strength Everton team. I foresee goals in this one, Swansea do not have a player capable of stopping Ross Barkley and not even my man Ashley Williams is keeping Romelu Lukaku down for a full game.
Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 3-1
Arsenal vs Chelsea
Monday 5.00am
I’m presuming this is still the biggest game of the weekend, despite the fact that even behind their new cheery veneer this is still the same Chelsea team that got Mourinho sacked. Although it was against Arsenal that they had probably their best win of the season, doing them in 3-0 largely thanks to Diego Costa getting Gabriel sent off. Yeah, that was a fun game to watch (the first anyway).
This time around and I do expect the Gunners to come out firing (- BAD PUN ALERT -), what with a title to play for. Plus the fans are always pumped up to get a chance for their annual boo-fest of Cesc Fabregas. They don’t have a good recent record against Chelsea though. The Community Shield win was the only time Wenger ever beat Mou’s CFC, and even in the intervening years of his two spells Arsenal lost more than they won. At the moment it’s a one in ten record in all comps and the last time they beat Chelsea in the League… Robin Van Persie scored a hat-trick. This as good a chance as any to start righting that ship.
Here’s the best news: Alexis Sanchez is back. They did pretty well without him despite the fears but it’s always a good thing to welcome a guy like that back and not a game too soon by the looks of the fixture list. I fully reckon he’s in for a goal and I’d like to see Theo bag one too on his ten year anniversary with the club. So yeah, lock in an Arsenal win folks, she’s about due.
Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 2-0