Okay then mate. You got your wish, you got the job you and your team have very publicly rallied for since December. I don’t like it but I have to live with it, so let’s make this thing work, aye Jose?

There has been this slight note made in a few places about how Jose Mourinho never made any comment about the Manchester United job out of respect to a colleague but that is absolute trash. Cherry picking evidence at its best. There was never a week that Mourinho was not out of the headlines, as soon as Man United had a poor result, there he was at some major event reminding everybody of his availability, of his alternative. And his agent, Jorge Mendes, was his main bannerman, flying his flag in all the papers from the moment Mou was sacked by Chelsea to the moment he finally got the job.

The final push was the leak that David De Gea, three-time consecutive MUFC player of the year and a fellow Mendes client, would seek to leave if Louis Van Gaal remained next season. The final twist of the knife was the damning rumours that emerged in the immediate aftermath of LVG’s FA Cup victory. As if actively plotting to steal the man’s job wasn’t bad enough, they had to go for that one last devastating blow – like the movie villain that takes a moment to brag of his genius before seeing it through. In such a film, Van Gaal would have found a way to exploit that hubris for his escape… but Van Gaal wasn’t exactly James Bond in his time at United himself.

By the way, Jose, cheers for the absolute demolition job you managed at Chelsea, that was awesome.

Van Gaal can have no complaints about his demise, even if the manner of it was hardly gentle. Mourinho overthrew him like some Game of Thrones usurper but you don’t get to do that unless the King’s crown isn’t sitting comfortably. So this is what the new reality is, Jose Mourinho will be the manager of Manchester United.

Some people saw this as a perfect fit, others not so much. I’m in the latter group I’m sorry to say. But, look, buddy, this can work if we all put our heads down and work together. I shall draw up a list and Jose, it’s your job to read it and see it through. Alrighty…

Basically two things need to be done. The first is appeasing the fans, the second is bringing success. Those two things can be counteractive so I’ll be more specific.

Undo the Damage of LVG

You wanna win over the fans? Do what Louis did not. Bring attractive football back to Old Trafford and get back in the top four next season. No… the top three.

The first should be the easiest one, since Mourinho’s reputation as a bus-parker is really only reserved for important second legs – his Chelsea teams scored goals, man. Plus it may not have been the case while he was there but most clubs that LVG has enforced his philosophies upon have great histories of building upon those foundations into something much better. Van Gaal has instilled a particular positional awareness and technical approach, as well as a superbly organised defence (that to be fair looks vulnerable to individual errors still). Now they need the freedom to thrive up the front and this team already has a number of players that can do that. Wayne Rooney, Memphis Depay and Ander Herrera are three guys that never looked entirely comfortable in Van Gaal’s system they easily have the ability to thrive with more room to express. Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford will do well no matter where or for whom they play. Juan Mata... I guess I’ll come back to him later.

Luckily Jose Mourinho has a pretty tried and true system whereby his front four do have a good lot of freedom to work and create – so long as they don’t completely ignore their defensive responsibilities. Eden Hazard isn’t exactly Claude Makelele, ya know? Yet he still did fine under Jose (well, until the end there).

But then he has to free this team up while also getting better results from them. That could be difficult… although they might also go hand in hand. Man United only missed the top four on goal difference. They were a point away and this from a team that lost to Swansea, Bournemouth, Norwich, Sunderland and West Brom this season – take 15 points from those games and they would have been tied for first place (probably behind on goal difference). Four of those games they lost 2-1 and the other 1-0. They will have dominated possession in all of them and yet never scored more than once against five teams that finished comfortably in the bottom half.

That’s LVG’s problem right there: No incision. No penetration. They were structured and laboured enough that the teams that didn’t back themselves to take the game to them were actually rewarded for sitting back and soaking up pressure and when you’ve got a weakness from set pieces as well, then those teams have a clear blueprint for beating you and incredulously it kept working. A more aggressive United willing to take risks for shots at goal are going to overcome that worry pretty quickly.

Don’t Go Crazy with Transfers

This is actually a pretty good squad and they might only be three players away from a title run. The tendency will be to make a bunch of marquee moves but that’s only going to unsettle the club and anyway the Angel Di Maria one didn’t work out so well, those things can be fairly tough to judge despite reputations. Money does not equal success in the transfer market.

The fact is, the standard of United’s team shouldn’t be judged on their abilities in a morale-defunct era when many were encouraged to play against their instincts. Luke Shaw is coming back which solves the left back issue. Morgan Schneiderlin will be far better in his second season. I mentioned a few other names before that should improve if Jose follows this script. All they really need is another centre back (John Stones or Raphael Varane?), an experienced centre forward (Zlatan Ibrahimovic?) and a dominant central midfielder (there’s bound to be one in the Jorge Mendes stocks). What this club doesn’t need is another eight guys pumped into it for yet another season of massive change – as has been the case for three straight seasons now.

And that goes for the outgoing guys too. Juan Mata has been one of Utd’s best players since he arrived and just because Jose sold him once doesn’t mean he needs to again – this is a different team to Chelsea, expectations are different. As one of the most creative players in the team, he is not one worth casting away. Nor should Michael Carrick be tossed to the mid-table wolves on a free if he’s willing to stay another season. He was still their best midfielder last campaign and has a role to play if he wants it. He shouldn’t be their numero uno any more, though. Guys like Ashley Young, Antonio Valencia and even Jesse Lingard are solid job-doers as well. No problem there.

Marouane Fellaini and Marcos Rojo, though? You wanna make a statement then sell them within a week.

Trust the Kids

Mourinho doesn’t have a reputation for doing this but then he’s also not been at clubs willing to give him that time - Inter, Chelsea and Real Madrid were all in 'WIN NOW!' mode, with the money to back it up (how times have changed for Inter, aye?). At United it’s not a request, it’s a demand. The last time they didn’t included an academy graduate in a match day squad was in October 1937 – a streak that lasts over 3800 games (that’s almost four Ryan Giggs careers lying end to end).

The thing is, it’s been a harshly worn reputation. Mourinho didn’t have an academy worth bothering with until he got to Real Madrid, where he gave debuts to the likes of Alvaro Morata, Jese and Nacho. He isn’t the most generous to youngsters, maybe, but it’s not like he’s out there building a wall between the first the youth teams. It was a turbulent thing with Ruben Loftus-Cheek at Chelsea but he still did play him.

At United he has Marcus Rashford, who should be in and around most teams even in his teens. To ignore him after this second half to the season would be like pissing on the statue of Best, Law and Charlton outside Old Trafford. If Jesse Lingard is around he deserves a chance now and then (though not as many as LVG gave him) and Andreas Pereira may not quite be a typical Mourinho player but he needs a go somewhere. James Wilson will be back too, as will the likes of Paddy McNair and Cameron Borthwick-Jackson.

Van Gaal probably got too much goodwill from playing U21s in his teams. In a lot of ways, he went too far in that direction (which he does in most areas) and played guys who were clearly not ready for it – some that never will be. Mourinho won’t do that, for better or worse (it’s a great experience for those drowning kiddies at least), but he should stay true to a couple of them and that’ll serve him well with the fans.

Kill the Blues

Not the blues as in the feeling but The Blues as in the team. There can be no more Chelsea lingerings, that goes for everything. Of course he’s gonna bring along some of his guys for the backroom staff but this is a club with a proud history that really doesn’t want to see old enemies taking over within their own walls. The manager is already a tough one to overcome for some.

In particular, let’s not go spending heavy dollars on Nemanja Matic and the likes. This is a difficult one to ask but Mourinho has more of a head start than most in his position would – he damn near ripped the heart out of Chelsea before he left, which is the only reason why this new move was even possible.

It’s sort of like how Darth Vader had to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi so that he could become the evil overlord he always wanted to be, you get it? Gotta destroy the last tinges of evidence of the man he once was.

Don’t Ruin Everything

You know, like as happened at Chelsea. Don’t drive them so hard that it all falls apart in a few years. Don’t completely shuffle up the squad so that whoever succeeds you has yet another mess to clean up (which Manchester United are getting used to now, sad for them). Don’t absolutely shatter the players’ confidence with unreasonable demands… like the last guy did. Most of all, when things get tough it’s best to look and act like a leader and not a stroppy little kid without his toys. Mourinho’s press conferences were always fun and there’s nothing wrong with being a bit arrogant – if anything it is a positive thing to demand respect. If you act like the smartest, most important person in the room (or on the sideline) then people will project that upon you further. No small bonus for a football manager, that. But there’s a line there and screaming at your own medical staff and calling out your own squad for the apparent rats among them isn’t the best when you’re asking people to trust you for a living. You’re allowed to cross the line now and then but you’re on your own when you do. All I’m saying is that you can’t leave Manchester United in the mess that you did Chelsea.

Look, it shouldn’t be too much to ask.