The Wildcard’s Mid-Season 2016-17 Premier League Awards
Player of the Season
There are some very tasty options here but it’s just too hard to move past Diego Costa. Last year he was bordering on a liability the way he played, so swept up in the niggle and the bite that he forgot he was meant to be scoring goals. Under Antonio Conte he’s a completely different guy – hell he even walked the line for a couple of months on four yellows before getting that fifth and the suspension. Costa’s back to hovering around the goalmouth and hunting for opportunities, he’s one of – if not the – most opportunistic strikers out there. His hold up play has been superb and that’s helped Eden Hazard leap back to form as well and you can easily argue he’s never worked harder on the footy field… although you can say that about the entire Chelsea team this season (except for N’Golo Kante, because he’s never less than 100%).
Honourable mentions have to go to the sublime Alexis Sanchez for all of his guile and expertise playing mostly as a striker for Arsenal and doing so well there that people aren’t even complaining. An Arsenal player playing out of his usual position and getting away with it! Must be brilliant. Along with Sanchez, also gotta give shout outs to N’Golo Kante who even scored a goal once, Eden Hazard the tricky wizard that he is and probably someone from Liverpool… just a matter of who. Gotta say it’s Adam Lallana who stands narrowly above the crowd there. Maybe chuck Zlatan in for good measure as well.
Manager of the Season
Bugger it, you already know that it’s Antonio Conte. The man has gotten this team back to and potentially better than the level they were at when they won the championship two years ago so swiftly that you almost forget this is his first gig in England and his first year with the club. That’s not a regular thing by any means. He’s not the first to get on the three-man defence trend but he’s the best at it (and to be fair he’s been doing it for years with Juventus ad Italy). Eden Hazard and Diego Costa are great again, as already established, but he’s also made a genuine player out of David Luiz too, who most people laughed at when they signed him and now he’s the undroppable leader of the best defensive unit out there. Sorry, Sideshow. Sorry for ever doubting ya.
There are so many big names in managerial seats but only one of them comes close to Conte and that’s Jurgen Klopp. In year two of the Klopp/Kop Regime we’re seeing the high pressure defence begin to emerge. Lallana has never looked fitter and the entire team is sharp and motivated every game. It’s a rare thing when Liverpool don’t cover more ground than their opponents and even without a recognised striker in the main XI they’re still scoring goals to rival the totals they were putting up in the Suarez years. Enough that even a sketchy goalkeeper situation and a brittle defence haven’t kept them from second on the table at the turn of the calendar.
Oh and third on this list? You may not immediately think of his name in this conversation but there can be no doubting once you do… it’s Tony Pulis. Seriously, for the first time possibly ever he’s in charge of a team that not only defends like the most well-oiled machine imaginable but they score goals too. They’ll dominate every set piece and win most of the tackles and now they can play a bit of build-up stuff and even hit the odd counter attack. At a time when we’ve already seen a couple of managers sacked for forgetting to defend and when Sam Allardyce can go straight back into a job after that whole England thing, Pulis’ current West Brom team have a formula worth fearing.
Top Goalscorer
No justification needed here, the stats speak for themselves.
- Diego Costa (Chelsea) – 14
- Alexis Sanchez (Arsenal) – 12
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Man Utd) – 12
- Harry Kane (Spurs) – 10
- Romelu Lukaku (Everton) – 10
- Sergio Aguero (Man City) – 10
- Eden Hazard (Chelsea) – 9
- Jermain Defoe (Sunderland) – 9
- Theo Walcott (Arsenal) – 8
- Sadio Mane (Liverpool) – 8
Assuming that none of these jokers cop big injuries, Diego Costa’s got a pretty large chance of taking this out, though the recent form of Zlatan and Harry Hotspur have them poised and Aguero’s total has come despite a couple suspensions in the middle. As for Alexis Sanchez, his might depend on if he can get that centre forward gig back from Olly Giroud or not. Speaking of which…
Goal of the Season
I mean, take your pick. The Scorpion or the Donkey kick. Personally I’d give the edge to Mkhitaryan’s effort because the angle of the cross and the fact he had to redirect it further gives it less of a margin for error, though Giroud’s is equally as spectacular to witness – the cross is worse and he’s further out plus it had a way better build up... argh, maybe Giroud then... nah come on, no reason to split them. 100% somebody’s gonna try score one of these at your first pre-season training. Bonus point to Henrikh as well because he did this from a Zlatan cross and Zlatan’s been trying to score one of these all year and hasn’t come close yet.
Best Signing
This is a tricky one because sometimes the best dudes take a while to settle in. The most valuable bloke out there might not have hit his stride yet at all, think that lad Henrikh Mkhitaryan for inspiration. Likewise his teammate Paul Pogba has been utterly immense the last month but with that world record price tag few people are gonna give him this nod even if the grand statement of that cost was part of the whole reason that Man United went through with it. Nah, the best signing is probably one of a selection of players whose price and immediate contribution level out to something we can all be pleased with. As a shortlist, take this lot: David Luiz, Shkodran Mustafi, Vincent Wanyama, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Joel Matip and Joe Allen. Leaning towards David Luiz, to be honest. It felt like a desperate joke at first, now it seems like the smartest move possible.
Best Young Gun
Not specifically the best young player but the best young player who wasn’t relevant before the season. A breakthrough youngster, you could say. And leading the lot of them is Jordan Pickford of Sunderland. He’s emerged to claim the gloves for David Moyes and he’s been superb, making save after save – more than every keeper except for Tom Heaton in fact. Playing behind that defence/midfield, Pickford has plenty to do and he’s risen to that challenge though don’t sleep on his distribution which is top notch as well. Enough get him linked with Man City and Liverpool, who could each use a bit of that – he only signed a new deal in January but expect those links to be the opening bit of bartering on another, much more lucrative, deal. Stink thing for Sunderland is that he’s now out for eight weeks with injury. Other fellas include Michael Keane at Burnley, Ben Gibson for Middlesbrough and Harry Winks of Tottenham.
Game of the Season
Oh mate, you’ve gotta believe it’s Bournemouth 4-3 Liverpool. The Reds up 3-1 and headed for a victory when the Cherries pulled one out of the bag in Eddie Howe’s 300th game in charge. They seem to have that thing about them, remember when they drew 3-3 with Everton last season having been 2-0 down with ten to play and 3-2 down seven minutes of added time already played? This game was even better, trailing by two goals with 15 minutes left when Ryan Fraser, who spent last year out on loan with Ipswich, sparked a comeback and Nathan Ake won it in injury time. It was sheer insanity. By the way, Jurgen Klopp blew a two goal lead to lose 3-2 against Southampton last season so he’s done this twice now – Liverpool had only lost twice in Premier League games from two up before him (4-3 at Leeds United in 2000, 3-2 at Queens Park Rangers in 2012). Hey but these are two teams who play football in the right way, both deserve credit (and slightly better defences).
Quote of the Season
Of course it’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who else did you expect?
Zlatan: “I came to the Premier League and everyone thought it would not be possible but like always I make them eat their balls”
Runners up include Jurgen Klopp talking about how good Coutinho is at shooting when he said: “Of course with Phil’s skills, everyone wants to give him the ball and wait for something special to happen. Then you think ‘oh no, don’t shoot again’. But if I could shoot like he could shoot then I would try it all the time. I’d get up in the morning and just shoot the fucking ball around in the garden or something. It’s outstanding how good he is.”
Plus Pep Guardiola’s: “I’m not a coach for the tackles. So I don’t train the tackles. What I want is try to play good and score goals… so what’s tackles?”
Best Mascot
Once again, this one goes to the fluffy bugger who deserves it most: Harry Hornet of Watford. He was already the best for his kickass dance moves and general energy (you could say he really buzzes) but he took it to the next level when he trolled Wilfried Zaha and drew the complaints of Sam Allardyce after his first game with Crystal Palace. The Watford crowd had felt Zaha had dived to win a late penalty and referee had agreed, giving him a yellow (despite it looking like there was contact) so after the game as Zaha was signing autographs, Harry Hornet went for a big ol’ dive in front of him. Big Sam was not impressed…
Sam Allardyce: “The mascot is out of order, isn’t he? If someone is diving, they don’t get that angry. There’s contact. It wasn’t given.”
The FA chose not to discipline the overgrown insect, though they did apparently offer some informal advice over the phone about “mascot etiquette”. Harry got a standing ovation from Watford fans at their net game. As for Zaha, he saw the funny side of it:
Best Dressed Boss
Pep Guardiola’s comfy turtlenecks and converse sneakers deserve a mention and Arsene Wenger always looks sharp in his skinny red ties. Jurgen Klopp is one of those who loses points for the constant sport jackets (looking at you too Jose) but gets some back for the stylish frames. Tony Pulis is proudly at the back of the pack with his baseball caps while Slaven Bilic comes very close to the top with that open collar look. No surprises that the tied winners are a couple of suave Italians though, used to the finest in style. Walter Mazzarri and Antonio Conte, always immaculate.
Worst Attempted Use of Social Media
Most Socially Conscious Use of Social Media
Most Tragic/Indulgent Injury Reaction
Most Surreptitious Dressing Room Nudity
Silly Bugger of the Season
Team of the Season
Underrated/Overlooked/Plays for a Crap Team XI
BONUS … BONUS … BONUS! Since there’s no time to write another full thing of predictions, here’s the straight and narrow for the Wildcard’s Premier League Picks with the filthy mid-weekers coming up in a few hours:
Middlesbrough 1-0 Leicester City
Everton 1-1 Southampton
Man City 3-0 Burnley
West Brom 2-1 Hull
Sunderland 1-3 Liverpool
West Ham 0-1 Man United
Bournemouth 0-2 Arsenal
Crystal Palace 1-0 Swansea
Stoke 2-2 Watford
Spurs 1-1 Chelsea