The Wildcard’s Premier League Predictions - Week 32
Last Week: 5/10
Overall: 122/303
Aston Villa vs Chelsea
12.45am Sunday (NZT)
“Rémi Garde has today left Aston Villa by mutual consent. The club would like to place on record its sincere thanks to Rémi for all his efforts during a difficult period and wish him well in the future. Eric Black will take over as acting manager until the club appoints a new manager. There will be no further comment from the club at this stage.”
You know, it’s like putting down an old pet. It’s sad to see them go but you know that it was the best for everyone, this suffering just could not go on. Except that in this case the pet had only been there for a few months and everyone knew that it’d soon get sick what with the owners refusing to feed it and all. Garde was a weird choice from the start but it wasn’t his fault. The only mistake Garde made was in accepting the job at all.
Remi Garde’s Premier League record:
2 wins, 6 draws, 12 losses.
That’s 12 points from 20 games, there are managers with worse records out there but this reign was up there. Or down there. I don’t really know. Nigel Pearson or whoever gets the gig will probably do well with a season in the Championship, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again in a few seconds… there’s still talent in this Villa team. Sometimes you have to squint to see it but it’s in there somewhere. Chelsea will slaughter them.
Wildcard’s Pick: 3-0 Chelsea
Norwich City vs Newcastle United
2.00am Sunday
Hey look, another relegation scrapper for Newcastle. They can’t say they haven’t had the late chances, they had to fight back to settle for a 1-1 draw with Sunderland and if they don’t win this one then Rafa Benitez can start looking for his next job because there’s no way he’s staying on in the Championship. That man started the season in charge of Real Madrid, don’t forget. As for Norwich another win and they’ll open up a gap clear of the drop zone that might not be overcome. They built so well on that 0-0 with City by sneaking an away point against West Brom, not a game they bossed by any means but one they took all three points from. If only Sunderland and Newcastle knew how to maximise their efforts like that then there’d be no problem. It’s still anyone’s gig though, we can count Aston Villa out but Norwich are only three points ahead of Newcastle with Sunderland in between them. A win for the Geordie side here and everything could change.
It’s just that winning hasn’t been their best quality recently. Especially away from home.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Bournemouth vs Manchester City
2.00am Sunday
Since they last played, I wrote a nice long piece about the big problems with Man City, with a lean on how Pep Guardiola’s supposed to help things. To sum it all up (but by all means still read it, come on, help a Wildcard out)… transfers. After winning the league, they failed to improve on their squad, and while those players were good enough to win a second title – no small feat by any measure – you have to know when to move players on. Fergie always did it, the great Liverpool sides of old always did it. City buggered themselves with four years of relative inactivity/busts and while they got back on track in getting Sterling and De Bruyne and all that, it’s too much to overcome in one haul.
So the question now is whether or not they can hold onto fourth place. One point up on West Ham and Man Utd, this is the stage where dropped points really cost them. It’s already ended their title chances, now they have to reassess and regather. In that light, the break wasn’t a bad thing for them when it came.
One win, one draw and four losses. Those are City’s last six games. Over that period of time, only Watford, Newcastle, Crystal Palace and Aston Villa have taken few points. That is straight up incredible. That is jaw dropping. How are Manchester City slumming it with that lot!?
Still, you’d expect them to come hard at Bournemouth. Flash the cash and show them the real difference between Champions League quarters and Championship promotion. It’s been a while since Sergio Aguero did anything amazing, seems about time that changed.
Wildcard’s Pick: City 2-0
West Ham United vs Crystal Palace
2.00am Sunday
During the dark realms of the international break, I got bored with no Premier League to predict and I went right on ahead and compiled all my past picks into a would-be league table. I was inspired by seeing the rubbish that Mark Lawrenson’s been picking for the BBC, anyway I’ll get that to ya at another time but the main takeaway that I had was how rarely I’ve picked West Ham to win. Man, I like West Ham. I’m a fan of Slaven Bilic, I’m a fan of Winston Reid and Dimitri Payet and Aaron Cresswell and Michail Antonio. I’m shocked how little faith I’ve had in them. So, here you go Hammers fans. I know it doesn’t make up for a season of slander but I thoroughly think you guys will win this one.
Crystal Palace’s last game against Leicester City, I really thought they were the better team for most of it. Pardew made some clever substitutions and they were damn unlucky not to get anything from that game. Clearly their strength is in attacking from the widths, though that’s not the best way to attack WHU, who tend to let teams go wide knowing that they’re as good as anyone at repelling crosses. In another season, the fact that the Eagles STILL HAVE NOT WON A PREMIER LEAGUE GAME IN 2016 would be critical, we’d be talking relegation. But the teams below them can’t get out of each other’s way so while they certainly cannot be comfortable, they’re probably safe all the same.
Hmm, I’m sorry Hammers but in light of that olive branch earlier, I still have to say this: Mark Noble. Good footballer. Hardly good enough for England. He’s not being overlooked. This is a team that won’t even select Michael Carrick and he’s twice the player that Noble is, and West Ham ought to know this because they discovered him. Having said that, we all need club players like Noble at our teams and it was wonderful to see them squeeze in his testimonial during the break. Speaking of dudes not getting the England caps they deserve, shout out to Dean Ashton for his overhead kick in that game. He broke his ankle training with England before ever making his debut and while he’d get one game two years later, he never really recovered from that injury and would retire at age 26. Football ain’t always fair.
Wildcard’s Pick: West Ham 3-1
Sunderland vs West Bromwich Albion
2.00am Sunday
Big Sam vs Tony Pulis. Not one for the neutrals, that’s for sure. Maybe make it fun by drinking for every long ball, foul and defensive clearance. Or, like, you know… watch a different game. It’s all a bit easier from this weekend with Daylight Savings ending, meaning for earlier footy and an extra hour’s sleep to recover. Bloody lovely. Just don’t settle for this, erm, battle of attrition unless you’ve got real stakes.
Here’s one: 22 days ago Emmanuel Eboue signed a contract with Sunderland. Today he’s been banned for 12 months for some prior “monetary dispute” and will be released. That’s about their luck, really. Not that you can complain about bad luck when your club is known as the Black Cats.
Sunderland need the points a lot more but the Baggies know what they’re doing at the back. Something that you cannot say about Sunders, for sure. A hard earned goal at one end and a sloppy mistake at the other. Sounds about fair.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Arsenal vs Watford
2.00am Sunday
It wasn’t in the League, but here’s what happened last time these two played:
I mean, you run out of things to say about Arsenal. Every year they end up in the same damn place. But this season there is one routine that they probably aren’t gonna get to act out: St Totteringham’s Day. The fabled day of Gunner celebration when Arsenal are officially guaranteed to finish ahead of Spurs on the table. And this year, for the first time since 1995 it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.
I really like Watford, I enjoy their two strikers and I think there’s a pretty solid defence in there too. The midfield will need work but it’s been a great first season back in the top flight for them. Wonderful stuff. But I don’t think they’ll get anything from this one.
Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 2-1
Stoke City vs Swansea City
2.00am Sunday
You realise Stoke can still make a run at Champions League, right? Eighth place and only five points from fourth. In the least they should be targeting Europe for Xherdan and bros. The Potters are gonna have to do it the hard way though, this is not sitter of a remaining fixture list:
- Swansea (H)
- Liverpool (A)
- Spurs (H)
- Man City (A)
- Sunderland (H)
- Crystal Palace (A)
- West Ham (H)
The two easiest looking games might well be against desperate relegation strugglers, which makes this week’s game something crucial if they’re serious about going for this. Hey, have I told you lately that I love Imbula? He’s been the midfielder that Stoke needed, a really clever January signing, even if he did cost an arm and a leg. Forceful and hard-working, with the ability on the ball to feed the flair guys in front of him. Swansea will probably want one more win to be safe, but it can wait ‘til later.
Wildcard’s Pick: Stoke 1-0
Liverpool vs Tottenham Hotspur
4.30am Sunday
This is Harry Kane. I dare you to stop him.
Meanwhile Jurgen, bro. How’s Liverpool treating ya?
"It feels good," he told German media. "The surroundings are fantastic. To live right at the seaside has advantages, but also disadvantages - looking at the weather.
"You can lead a fantastic life here. People are used to my face right now where I live, and you wouldn't believe but, as a Premier League manager, life is pretty normal in England."
Well, he was hardly gonna take a piss on the home of the Beatles now was he?
Wildcard’s Pick: Spurs 2-1
Leicester City vs Southampton
12.30am Monday
That five point lead could be a two point lead by the time this kicks off, Southampton are a very solid team and they’re playing well but the Foxes have the better of the draw this week. Although the Saints did just come from 2-0 down to beat Liverpool so who really knows?
This is definitely a game that could slow them up. Even a draw could be a big blow, given Spurs own them for goal difference, so a three point lead is only a bad game away from second place. The thing is, both Spurs and Leicester are playing teams also still in the Champions League hunt – there’s a lot to play for. In fact the only teams without anything left to play for are those from around tenth to fourteenth. Chelsea, West Brom, Everton, Bournemouth and Watford all will settle for their mid-table finishings. Chelsea and Everton reluctantly so, but it’s too late to help that now. Also, Everton and Watford have the FA Cup semis to focus on, so clearly that’s where it’s at now.
The last time Liverpool and Spurs played it was a casual 0-0 in Jurgen Klopp’s first game. The last time Leicester and Southampton played it was an entertaining 2-2 draw (a double for Vardy, including a 90th minute leveller). Neither will be happy with that at this stage. I’d imagine the goal fortunes are reversed between the fixtures this time.
The hidden factor in Leicester’s recent games is that they haven’t been playing that well. Not at all, they’ve still been getting the odd goal thanks to their relentless attack but it’s only luck that’s held on to some of those clean sheets. Seriously, I know they’re the team of destiny and all that but eventually that luck runs out. Southampton are a very, very likely team to deny them, however we’ve got to the stage where if the Foxes don’t win it all then it’s just gonna be disappointing. Don’t worry, I’m still picking them, for what it’s worth. Mostly because I still feel bad for continually not picking them earlier in the season. For all the times I doubted them I think I owe them a few benefits.
Leicester City Remaining Games:
- Southampton (H)
- Sunderland (A)
- West Ham (H)
- Swansea (H)
- Manchester United (A)
- Everton (H)
- Chelsea (A)
Tottenham Remaining Games:
- Liverpool (A)
- Manchester United (H)
- Stoke (A)
- West Brom (H)
- Chelsea (A)
- Southampton (H)
- Newcastle (A)
Wildcard’s Pick: Leicester 1-0
Manchester United vs Everton
3.00am Monday
Alrighty, let’s finish things off with the playoff for Romelu Lukaku’s services next season. Okay, maybe not. Personally I’d like to see him have another season with Everton at least, because come on. He’s got a good thing going there, playing absolutely fantastically. And if he leaves then Everton are gonna be stuck in a Southampton place where suddenly John Stones, Ross Barkley, Seamus Coleman and Geo Deulofeu are all gonna ask to leave too. Probably. There’s something missing with Everton which most people can’t see. I don’t know what exactly it is – I can’t see it – but while plenty are willing to pat them on the back for a solid young core of players, Toffees fans themselves are quite antsy. Maybe it’s Bobby Martinez. Nice bloke, perhaps his reputation as a manager precedes him though.
The next time these two meet will be for Wayne Rooney’s testimonial most likely. He doesn’t really need one, he’s rich enough, but it’ll be a pleasant boost to a few charities. Actually, that’s not true because if Man United beat West Ham in the FA Cup then the pair will meet in the semis. So there you go. They have a proper rivalry, these two, but you get the feeling it’s mostly down to their mutual hatred of Liverpool. Hence a few notable transfers (including a manager) between them. Good business for both on the whole. They can have Marouane Fellaini back, though.
What if Louis Van Gaal is injuring United players on purpose? I don’t mean chasing them around with a board and a nail but driving them hard and all that. Like, when guys are injured his stakes are lessened because he can and will complain about all the injuries. Not his fault, you see, so his stance isn’t damaged. Yet at the same time it also forces him to pick young players which actually increases his standing. Very convenient. See what I mean?
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Man Utd