Kevin Pietersen, my dear friend. You swash-buckler you, talking up a storm around the time your book was released and now talking up a storm with regards to our Black Caps.

We're a sensitive bunch, not in the sense that we take offence easily - we're Kiwis, we get the mickey taken out of us everyday, but we're easily aroused. You have aroused us by outlandishly predicting the Black Caps to win the World Cup.

I understand and I agree. Three of the best batsmen in the world - Brendon McCullum, Ross Taylor and Kane Williamson as well as the two pacemen you mentioned in Trent Boult and Tim Southee ... in conditions that they have grown up in. We will also be the best fielding team at the World Cup, along with the Aussies and South Africa.

But c'mon mate, we're the underdog. We're meant to slide in under the radar and shock the world. And here you are telling the world, that we're the best.

Let's be honest, the Black Caps are a shit old Nissan Pulsar that has clutch issues. We haven't really performed in big moments and our successful moments in international tournament are few and far between, so easy on.

I share your enthusiasm with regards to the Black Caps, I honestly do. But this group have promised so much, yet haven't quite delivered the full whammy. The World Cup might be the time for that, but it will take the Black Caps playing at their peak consistently throughout the tournament. That's the worry.

Thanks for thinking about the Black Caps though, it's greatly appreciated to be mentioned along with all the other interesting thoughts that come from you. You seem like a nice lad, so hopefully you enjoy retirement. Papatoetoe Cricket club in South Auckland are always on the lookout for an overseas pro, so if you're ever free for a few weeks get in touch. We can pay you in rupees, or pies. Your choice, or we can organise a few groupies for you.

All the best mate and hopefully we'll see you in Aotearoa soon.

The Mystery Doctor