Dear State Of Origin,

Long time fan, first time letter writer here and I just want to say how much I love you first of all. I'm not Australian and in fact I kind of despise your people, but I, like many other kiwis find myself sniffing around on a Wednesday. Sniffing around, looking for a place to watch you, a place where I can relish a bunch of Aussies smashing each other.

I don't know how you do it mate, but you get everyone so wound up. Even over here it's like "are you Queensland or New South Wales bro?" There's no inbetween with you, you're pretty much like religion, a line down the middle that causes absolute ruckus.

But it always makes me laugh how you get people in Queensland and New South Wales so agitated. Not so much the public, you're designed to get the punter fired up, that's what you do best but somehow you bring out such childish antics from the media as well.

I salute you on that, it's so fun around this time every year seeing different media outlets, usually newspapers from either state chirping away. It's pretty clear that they haven't played much sport though, to call it sledging or even chirping is giving it far too much credit. In fact, hold the phone, it's all so fucking dumb.

But I still love you and that's what it's about.

Apparently people love your history as well, but I've seen so many of your fights and moments where you've moulded the genetic make up of someone that it gets a bit tiresome. Like, this year is going to be awesome, I don't know, I try to be Buddhist and shit so I try to stay in the now.

Quick question; how did you get a kiwi playing for those NSW blokes? If you see James, just say kia ora and raise your eyebrows ... possibly give it a cheeky pukana as well, but up to you g.

Both Aotearoa and Australia love their alcohol. You my friend have exploited this perfectly as well, trolling the masses as everyone discusses whether they should have a few beers or not.

"We're not drinking this year because we're going to win"

"Those bonding sessions are what get your team closer together, brothers on three..."

Your history is so entrenched with alcohol, all the bonding sessions, the beer sponsorships and what not so big up on the perfect troll. I'm a stoner so I'll give marijuana a shameless plug, it's somehow still illegal so how about instead of trolling everyone with the alcohol, you start a new rule that early-camp bonding sessions involve passing a joint around? Just an idea, at least lend some sort of advocate voice to help us legalize it, I know how many Aussies and kiwis enjoy it so c'mon.

I've got a few blokes you need to look after as well. First of all and it's going to be tough because their going to be scrapping against each other, but look after Jacob Lillyman and Ryan Hoffman. Their club needs them so keep them healthy, but also ensure that they're up for a biggun'. At the very least DO NOT LET THEM FIGHT EACH OTHER.

Next up could you look after Nate Myles and Daly Cherry-Evans. They are going through a rough time in their relationship as Nate has invited Daly up to the coast but has left him high and dry. It's all a bit awkward.

I really, really like Michael Morgan as a footy player and he'll be on debut. In fact, look after all the debutants will you?

And please look after whoever is going to try tackle David Klemmer on his first hit up.

Keep Aaron Woods' headband on as well mate, or even better, make him get cornrows!

Greg Bird is probably having a sulk somewhere so look after him.

Mum's calling me for dinner Mr State Of Origin guy friend dude brother toko dingo. It's time to go, but hopefully I'll see you on Wednesday night.

What's the plan?

Yeah, I've got your number but like, where will we meet? You'll be getting ready and stuff, no, wait, where are you going....!?

Whatever.

Peace.