Wildcard

Ah yes, the plethoric British accents, the freezing landscapes, the opening credits that are way too long… must be that new season of Game of Thrones we’ve been hearing so much about. New season but also the penultimate season. To be fair you know your show’s been going on too long when it takes almost three full minutes to squeeze in the bare necessities in the ‘what you need to know before we begin’ montage at the start of the ep.

And even when it started, here we were in flashback. Not even moving the story forward here. Walder Frey having a big ol’ feast and… that’s a bit odd. He doesn’t usually have two feasts within a fortnight. Yo and how come he didn’t sip from his expensive bloody wine, that’s a little… oh right, gotcha. She’s catfishing them with the pesky face-switch-a-rooney. Yup, oldest trick in the book, that one. Honestly, those Frey’s really are a dumb lot.

That feeling when you wake up before your alarm clock and there's still time to go back to sleep

So here we are in season seven. The end is right around the corner and this episode was a pretty enjoyable assessment of where things are at. Winter is here and the doom to the north is on the march. Jon is trying to get his buggers in arrangement to protect The Wall but he’s also got that threat to the south from Cersei and King’s Landing. Lucky for him she’s got other enemies, enemies to every corner actually. Tyrells to the west, Targaryens to the east, Starks to the north and Sand Snakes to the south. Who to attack first?

We already know that the Sandies and the Dragons have linked up, courtesy of the diplomatic wizardry of… umm, whatshisname. Bald eunuch guy. Varys, that’s the one. They’ve also got Theon and his sister (who’s a big fan of the Sand Snakes based on the trailer) and whoever else joined them but their murderous uncle is doing his best to align with Cersei. Jaime had that line about people wanting to be on the side of the winners. Obviously Euron, who was an utter bastard last season but was actually a lot of fun this time around the sassy arrogant chap, yeah obviously he kinda has his hands tied. In terms of bridges burnt, the Lannisters are about the only ones out there.

Presumably the Starks will find their way into allegiance with the Targaryens too although that’s no guarantee. The two sides have been presented as the co-heroes, in as much as there are any heroes in this show, and Bran’s visions more or less confirmed the R+L=J thing already. There’s blood there. But Sansa hates Tyrion and Dany hates Starks (going back to the whole Robert’s Rebellion thing). Might take some leadership even braver than reintegrating the Karstarks and Umbers into the Northern Kingdom.

But the Tyrells are a curious one. They have all the food and money, as Jaime says. They’ll never ally with the Lannisters but will they ally with the Starks or Targaryens. Have they already allied and I just forgot? Maybe. Pretty sure Lady Olenna wants one thing and that’s Cersei’s head. Hey, what’s if she meets up with Arya then?

Right foot Winterfell, left hand Dragonstone... right foot King's Landing...

Okay, so Dragonstone. Beautiful (if… sharp) castle, the ancestral home of the Targaryens. Yeah, sweet as, we got to see Daenerys wordlessly take the whole thing in, tearing down one last Baratheon banner. But, like… Stannis just left the entire island empty? Are there no peasants living there or old people who didn’t travel north to the wall or even just a stray flippin’ dog somewhere? Seems weird that the place would be completely abandoned.

Another link in the Jon + Dany connection is that Jonny boy needs dragonglass to kill the big baddies and Dany, unknowingly, is sitting on a goldmine of dragonglass on her stony isle. Shout out to Fat Sam for breaking into the back of the library for that info but, jeez, any time somebody like him takes something they shouldn’t in a show like this I just assume he’s gonna spill food all over the books or let the candle burn down and torch them or something stupid. That’s priceless information in those books boy, be more careful.

He’s living the 15-year-old dream though, isn’t he? Access to the restricted section at Video Ezy.

The Westerosi version of "You must be 18 or older to view"

Right, onto the subject now of Edward Sheeran. Bit of a surprise how front and centre they put him and of course they made him sing. Even a close up on his face. The scene itself was pretty important for showing an empathetic side of Arya, one might even say a socialist side of Arya, after earlier seeing her massacre a whole room of not-quite-innocents. But, man, this is Game of Thrones, it doesn’t need to stoop to silly cameos and Ed Sheeran’s rounded mug took a second to get past. For the first time in history it has to be said: Shortland Street did it first.

I probably would’ve loved the cameo if it’d been Iggy Pop though, let’s be honest.

Littlefinger wants to drive a wedge between Jon and Sansa. Sansa undermined Jon in front of all the northern house leaders. Felt like the beginning of something there but nah, Sansa’s too smart for that. Jon isn’t, good leader or not, but right now Littlefinger might wanna pivot to planting seeds in Jon’s mind. He’s way more susceptible (and also it looks like he tries to punch him in the trailer, so yeah). You need a fair bit of exposition on a show like this and Brienne pretty much spoke for me when she asked why Baelish was even still there. Turns out he still bossed The Vale. I completely forgot.

Bran has made it within the wall. Good for him. Speaking of speaking for the audience though, one of the best things about GoT is how is balances its fantasy aspects with really strong, grounded humanity. The Hound has undergone a character development to rival anyone else in Westeros and it seems like every day he lives he’s reminded of something torturous to his conscience. But the man is in good company with Beric and Thoros. Houndie’s cynicism holds the unlimited fantasy powers to account so when he looks into the flames and sees the army of the dead marching… we definitely feel that fear too.

Honestly, who cares about the Clegane Bowl? Sandor has a much more important destiny to fulfil.

(P.S. there must be something on the cards for Greyscale Jack too or else why is he even still alive?)

Diggity Doc

Mention 'Red Wedding' and you'll have no shortage of possible suitors lining up to spin a Game of Thrones yarn. This is the episode and rather bonkers moment of GoT that took the show to a new level and brought a new wave of people into the GoT fandom gang, mainly thanks to the violence and absurd nature of what went down at The Twins.

Action, violence and general mayhem is just one aspect of GoT though. Hence it was fitting that the Red Wedding was flipped on it's head in the opening scene of season seven as it revisited a major moment, laid the foundations of the mayhem lurking on horizons north, south and east - maybe west? - early, then we settled into the nuances of the game. These nuances of the game of thrones holds equal, if not more appeal than the mayhem and epic battle scenes. In a season that will see all sorts of mayhem, the landscape needed to be set and drawn out while the intricacies of interpersonal relationships were given a moment to flourish.
Arya succinctly dropped a scripted gem after poisoning a bunch of blokes:

"When people ask you what happened here, tell them the North remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey".

Now Arya's kickin' it with a bunch of blokes, who blatantly underestimate her. As Arya listened to these Lannister soldiers telling stories of how crap King's Landing is or of their family back home, her view lingered on how their swords were positioned and if we've learned anything in GoT; don't laugh at Arya's suggestions yeah?

And then I cut them up and baked it into a pie which I served to Walder before I killed him, haha

It's no coincidence then that both Dany and Cersei hovered around and over their respective maps of Westeros. Of course Jamie doesn't need any silly maps as he's got Westeros mapped out in his head. Whether that comes in handy when Jamie wants to fire some niggling shots back at Euron Greyjoy or whether it comes in handy when pondering the best vantage points from which to shank a dragon; I dunno.

Setting the scene and the nuances of relationships are beautifully done in GoT. Up in Winterfell we were graced with Littlefinger's best-case scenario as Sansa and Jon Snow bickered, both trying to wield their mental swords as Sansa preached revenge to those who had betrayed House Stark and Jon was kind enough to forgive those poor munchkins for the woes of their parents and older folk.

Funnily enough, Sansa and Arya both came at a similar situation with the same aggressive mindset. Arya killed the family of Walter Frey for the shit act of their father and Sansa was plodding down the same path, but Sansa's not a trained assassin and is still learning the political ropes so she didn't quite get her way.

Jonny Boy: "I will not punish sons and daughters for the crimes of their fathers".

Well, Arya definitely did and Sansa bloody wanted to.

Littlefinger was frothing with excitement when he saw Jon and Sansa disagreeing. That's the opening he craves and I think we all rejoiced when Sansa put him back in his place with the nuance of conversation, shutting Littlefinger down;

"No need to seize the last word Lord Baelish, I'll assume it was something clever".

This was a dangerous moment in the context of the wider predicament facing Westeros. Sansa and Jon kinda patched over their disagreement and then offered differing opinions on the biggest danger. Jon knows what's coming and as hard as he tries, Sansa can only imagine what's coming from the North while she knows all too well what Cersei is capable of. The seeds of difference were planted in Winterfell and this not only gives Littlefinger a glimmer of hope, it takes energy away from the threat beyond the wall.

Apply that to the real world for a second as we could all be fighting pointless battles (big or small) unaware of the real danger, or not paying the real threat enough respect. I'll leave that open to your interpretation but I do love how GoT's themes can easily be applied to our lives on Earth.

Arya and the Hound enjoyed plenty of air time in episode one which was enticing. This could be mainly due to us not seeing too much of them in the coming episodes as the focus turns to Dany's journey, the Lannister x Greyjoy connection and the North. Arya clearly outlined her plan to kill Cersei though and that could throw a spanner into the works when it happens, then we have the Hound who is now an enlightened soul.

Houndy even showed a splash of sympathy for the father and daughter who he correctly predicted would die when he paid them a visit with Arya - after the Hound stole their valuables nonetheless. The Hound questioned Beric why he's the joker who the Lord of Light has brought back to life, six times and that's a fair query from the Hound, who is then asked to look into the fire and explain what he sees.

The Hound sees that Winter's definitely on its way and Beric outlines that this is why he's the one ... to have been revived six times. Remember that the Lord of Light revived Jon via Melisandre and this opens some intriguing possibilities about the intertwined paths of Beric and Jon. Where the Hound fits into all of this remains unclear but he gifted us with another gem:

"It's my fucking luck I ended up with a bunch of fire worshipers".

Using fire to see visions of the impending doom is also another funky narrative. We know the importance of 'fire and ice' so it's no real surprise, although the Lord of Light not only revives people but he/she also provides such vision through flames. Flames also come via Dany's dragons, but just the idea of fire offering an insight into how the Night's King is poised is intriguing enough.

Sam Tarly's work down in the Citadel was as expected and this offered the GoT editing team to flex as they chopped and changed between poo and food, similar in appearance and distribution. We've seen many yucky things in GoT but of all the killing - Sam joined a Maester in taking organs out of a dead guy - the juxtaposition of poo and food was disgusting.

Sam did note the importance of dragonglass and where it's situated though and after Jon told his audience in the North of the need for dragonglass, we're all set for the dragonglass rush. Which immediately links Jon to Dragonstone where Dany arrived and the relevance of Cersei's message via raven could be put into some perspective as Sam's got to get the message of Dragonstone's secrets swiftly to Jon. Cue a raven as I'm sure Sam can't move that fast.

I love these GoT episodes. There's room for conversation to flourish, for characters to unveil aspects of their personality that we weren't treated to previously and we were given the political wheelin' and dealin' of 'the game' in all its glory. I'm not sure how much of this we will get in the coming episodes as there's plenty of action to get through, but this season started with GoT flexing its narrative muscle.

GOT S07E01 CHARACTER RANKINGS

Sandor “El Hound” Clegane – They’ve moved way past that point in the books but having him dig an actual grave was a nice nod to the Gravedigger theory.
Euron Greyjoy – Should probably shave that silly beard but the punk rock pirate makeover has done the trick. Question is: what’s this gift he’s gonna get for Cersei?
Daenerys Targaryen – House prices these days and she stumbles on an abandoned castle. This really is a fantasy.
Arya Stark – Free Ed Sheeran concert, yay. Murdered the murderers who murdered her family, yay.
Sansa Stark – Tell it like it is, baby. We all know you shoulda been the Queen ahead of Jonny Boy.
Cersei Lannister – Say what you want but she’s gonna be a vital villain for a while yet. Girl’s got plans, yo.
Jon Snow – He’s good at this leadership thing. Well… mostly.
Lady Mormont – She ain’t gonna be knitting no sweaters by the fireplace while there’s fighting to be done, mate.
Samwell Tarly – Imagine if that back room really was just the maestership’s stash of French erotica though.
Maester Jim Broadbent – Another great English actor added to the cast.

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