With a fresh round of tasty Champions League second legs beginning tomorrow, I figured it best to jump the gun on the inevitable ‘Away Goals’ drama – specifically the way that stupid people misinterpret it and then make it out to be some second-cousin of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. It ain’t that. In fact, the Away Goals Rule is insanely simple.
When David Moyes’ personal letter to Manchester United season ticket holders was released last week, fair to say it was met with a collective apathetic shrug of the shoulders. A lot of the same old clichés and excuses we’ve been hearing from struggling footy managers for years, as if there’s a manual for non-controversial, endearing answers or something.
Well, funny story, there is such a book. And we’ve got some pretty handy connections here at Nichey Headquarters, as you’ve surely guessed by now, and have managed to get our greedy paws on it. It's called 'A Farewell to Harms', and was written by Norman Mailer. Here’s what Moyes was really saying:
Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.
Right, so, not the best start to this game. We knew it was gonna be a tough game considering that Japan are ranked 50th in the world (and should be much, much higher), and we’re, well, let’s say significantly lower.
Only 10 games remaining in the EPL season and there is only 6 points separating the top 4 teams in the EPL. This aint no German league with the leader being 20 points ahead of the rest and all the others playing like scared possums in the headlights. She’s going to be a tight race in England, that’s for sure.
Hero of the week is out of Benteke, Schurrle, and Shawcross this week as they were all instrumental in big wins for their respective teams. Benteke scored two as Villa ran out 4-1 winners in a relegation six-pointer against lowly Norwich. He hasn't had the goal-scoring form he had last season due to injuries but the big Belgian may just be turning a corner after this display. Benteke's first goal in particular was spectacular.
Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.
Another week gone in the Premier league and once again we have so much to talk about such as the form of our front runners in the Champions League, the relegation battle which is like no other and of course Liverpool’s red hot form. With only 11 games left to go this season, here is a preview of the weeks games as the going is about to get tough
Hero of the Week:
Hero of the week has to be Giroud after his influential performance and double against Sunderland. Arsenal have always had great build-up play and can rarely be accused of lacking creativity but you still need a man in the box to put the ball in the net and Giroud came up trumps. He also got an assist by flicking the ball on for Rosicky to score a brilliantly worked goal to add to his 2 goals. With the Frenchman being Arsenal's main striker, he could well prove to be their most important player as they chase the top spot - they need him scoring. His link-up play, holding up of the ball, his big stature, and his work-ethic cause mayhem for defenses and this adds another dimension to the Gunners attack.
“Yeah mate, go on” I respond.
Sam whips out the golf club that’s propped up against the bed, holding the dodgy fridge shut. The door’s opened, two Exports are removed; one handed to myself, one remaining in the grasp of the welcome visitor.
Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.
So, what’s been happening in Wellington? The big news over the last few days has been Brendon McCullum and the Black Caps, and deservedly so. What a cracking effort - conjuring one of the great Test match draws at the Basin Reserve. Well of course with all those records being broken, no bandwagon-jumping media firm had time to squawk about what was taking place just down the road… So here’s what went on in the world of the Wellington Phoenix, in the last 7 days…
This is proving to be the most open Premier League season ever, but while most people are focussed on the sprint to the finish line at the top of the table, they’re missing out on the tightest scrap of all, the battle to avoid relegation.
2 months. That’s how long we’ve been waiting for the glorious Champions League (CL) to come back into our lives. This means midweek football and everyone’s favourite Heineken ad’s back on TV!
If you have not seen the performance or highlights of the Liverpool vs Arsenal game then you need to, even if you don't like football. The first half is a masterclass of attacking pace and movement while also a perfect demonstration of how a team can crumble under intense pressure. Liverpool were pressing Arsenal high up the pitch from the very second the ref blew the whistle and Arsenal just couldn't cope...
Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.
He’s back! After 17 games out, in which the Hammers conceded 40 goals, Winnie made his return off the bench, playing 11 minutes in the 2-0 win over Swansea. Kevin Nolan scored a first half double, and Reid helped steady the show late on after Andy Carroll was sent off (Fat Sam was not happy) with half an hour remaining.
Well listen to me pal. You aren’t going anywhere with that below-average looking gal of yours, because you’ve got new plans. The Wellington Fucken Phoenix are in town and they’re here to par-tay. Saturday night at Eden Park will have the stadium lights glowin’ and the overpriced drinks a-flowin’. And guess what – YOU sir, have the chance to be there. Slam some post-match jager bombs with Paul Ifill, or a half-time Double Brown wizard stick with Benny Siggy.
Doesn't that just sound like a dream night out? Yes, yes it does. So ditch that hoe, txt the boys, smash back some beer and watch some absolute world class footy.
Now you might be asking yourself “Why should I listen to this guy? What does he know about livin in the struggle? We can’t all afford them high class gold plated Eden Park tickets!” Well mate, you’re in luck. For a mere $30, you’ll be grinding the upright with Manny Muscat during the defensive corners. You’ll be counting the stacks of cash you’ve saved with the official WPHNX crew – the YELLLOOOOW FEEEEEVEERRRRRR!!!! But don’t hold onto that cash too tightly. No, because after 80 minutes, you’ll wanna to make it raaaaaiiiiin over all those hotties whippin' their tight shirts off! Yeeeeyaaaah!!I 100% guarantee that by heading along to the Nix vs Adelaide, you’re gonna get a promotion, take home a super model & win the lotto.
Yeah so a lot of that is a lie, but not the message I’m trying to send.
Mmmm yeah... Hotties...
If you live in Auckland, this is a great chance to see some in-form, above-standard-NZ-quality football. No, it won’t be Premier League quality, and perhaps that’s the reason so many people diss the Nix & the A-League – but it’s common knowledge that being at the game & getting involved with a bit of hoo-ha is waaaaay better. “Aw yeah but I’d just rather have a quiet beer at home on the couch and watch it”. Oh yeah? Harden up, pussy.
Most of you won’t have seen live Wellington Phoenix before, because only hardcore ninjas will fly to Wellington. This weekend, it’s in your backyard. Well, a traffic congested and crowded version of your back yard, but it’s the closest you’ll get for at least another year. The Yellow Fever will be inflated with fan-boy Aucklanders this week, but will 100% bump up the atmosphere during the 90 minutes. And you might even see some lovely ladies taking their shirts off after the 80 minute mark, providing my inevitable TAB bet pays off.
Tickets ARE only $30, which is a steal compared to watching the Black Caps or most other gigs going down on a Saturday night in the shitty of shails.
The main reason I urge you to go is because these guys deserve it. They’re on a great run after a tough start, and they’re starting to become properly entertaining. The worst case scenario would be if the Nix did play shyte and got thumped – but your insurance is that you can always ask (yell) at Jeremy Brocoli how long he’s got to go before he’s fully boiled.
The game itself is actually pretty crucial for both teams – a classic 6 pointer. Wellington need the big W here to stay in close proximity of the top 6, Adelaide will move to 4th if they prevail. These 2 teams happen to be playing pretty attractive football at the moment, so I can’t stress how cool this game has the potential to be. Kenny K is back, Big Carlos is back, plus no injuries or suspensions from last week’s side that dominated the first half against Brisbane.
Go on, it’ll be worth the effort. Also, feel free to start off at the Kingslander in Mt Eden for some pre-game ‘warm-up’ – I hear they serve cold beer there? COME ON PHOENIX!
Get your tickets here:
Image: The Sun+
So I was going to entertain the fanatics about the top transfer that every team in the EPL needs. A striker like Diego Costa for Arsenal or a defensive midfielder such as Xabi Alonso for Manchester United. But then I got to Manchester City and I was actually stumped on what this dynamic all round team actually need! I can hear you screaming get off the nut from here, but I have been questioning them all season and they have kept proving me wrong. I started on the front and thought another striker to give them a new dimension maybe? Then I remember this is the team that has scored over 100, yes 100 goals this season and their main talisman, Sergio Aguero, has been out for the last month. The likes of Alvaro Negredo and Edin Dzeko have taken over the reins and have been a big part of the reason why City have run over teams at home and now, after dispatching Spurs 5-1, away from home too. So I thought the midfield could do with some sprucing up, like United’s or Newcastle. Oh wait. David Silva, arguably one of the craftiest players in the league. Yaya Toure, hands down best box to box midfielder in the league combining both the guile of a fox and the strength of a horse. Then there’s Samir Nasri and Jesus Navas who both thrive on pace, flair and their ability to beat players one on one and in tight situations. Oh did I mention James Milner, Fernandinho, Jack Rodwell and Javi Garcia???
I’m starting to think they probably don’t need any midfield reinforcements. To the back we go. Pablo Zabaleta is the most consistent right back in the league. No debate there. He oozes professionalism and never seems to put in a bad performance. Considering Micah Richards, the young English prodigy, has been injured all season, he has done remarkably well. Gael Clichy on the other side (another ex-Arsenal player) is getting on in years but still provides opposition managers with nervous moments as he marauds down the flanks, even though he does struggle to get back at times. Don’t worry though, Aleksandar ‘the king’ Kolarov from Serbia is an able back up with a rocket of a left foot if I’ve ever seen one. In the middle of defence you can’t go past captain fantastic Vincent Kompany. Throwing his body into shots and winning 99% of headers is all in a day’s work for the Belgium rep, who has provided defensive steel and passion that his side has lacked in years gone by. He leads from the back superbly and is the most vocal player on the park, barking orders and letting team mates know when something isn’t up to scratch. Now his partner in the middle is the only small weak link I can see. Martin Demichelis has filled in admirably, but if I was a City fan, I would get nervous anytime he gets near the ball. They do have Natija Nastasic and Joleon ‘The Forehead’ Lescott but they have not been played as regularly. Joe Hart is the last piece of this quite amazing puzzle (nearly Wasgij amazing). After a blip mid season where he was dropped from the first team, he has come back superbly becoming one of the top keepers in the league once again. Who was calling for him to be loaned out a month ago?!
Some people wonder why so called ‘pundits’ have already given the title to City, but if you look at this squad you can understand why. Most, if not all of these players, would make the starting line up of any other team in the league. God half their subs would easily get a gig as well. I hear the critics yelling ‘a team of individuals, will never beat an individual team’ but Manuel Pellegrini has nurtured this team into playing for each other and not just themselves. I would be downright surprised if they don’t win the league and for all to see, it is theirs to lose. Complacency or boredom, depending on how you look at it, is maybe the only reason this team drops any more points this season. I hope they do choke, because it would make me very happy, however if you can’t stop them from scoring, then good luck beating them. The ebb and flow is truly great to watch, and you’d have to be one sour football fan, or a United lover not to agree.
Newcastle are looking to bounce back with a win after a tough week (Getty Images)
The Tyne-Wear derby. Two cities separated by 10 miles and boy do they hate each other. The Toon vs the Black Cats. Generally these matches are cagey affairs with players feeling the pressure of a tight rivalry that has been simmering between households and friends for over a century. The stats for overall results are delicately poised with Newcastle winning 53 times and Sunderland 45, with another 45 draws in between. Nothing beats a derby. We saw the Liverpool v Everton in a Merseyside derby blowout which was a bit of a bummer for us neutrals who wanted to see a high scoring draw with a bit of passion and guts. Aston Villa and West Brom played in the West Midlands derby and played out a stunning 4-3 contest that started at a rapid pace, having 6 goals by halftime! So what can Newcastle and Sunderland produce!? The Toon has lost Johan Cabaye to PSG this week and he has been their midfield general. Knowing the manager (not personally unfortunately) Alan Pardew, he would have seen this coming for months and should have contingency plans in place.
They have a strong enough midfield to deny the likes of Adam Johnson and Jack Colback time and space, but do they have the creative maestro to fill the gap Cabaye left? Without him there they may struggle to unlock a Sunderland team on the rise after a sound 1-0 win over Stoke midweek. Loic Remy has been their go to man up front, but has looked fatigued in recent games having carried the team all season. The likes of the Ameobi brothers should be itching to get on the park and prove their worth in a game of huge magnitude. Sunderland rolls down the highway with 7 points from a possible 9 in the last 3 weeks and are slowly but surely pushing themselves out of relegation. In these big games, I’m a firm believer that recent form, whether shit hot or appalling, will count for nothing. Sure you might feel more confident, but once you are in that cauldron it is a whole different story. St James’ Park used to be feared by everyone and especially you’re cross town rivals. Newcastle needs to get that feeling back into the support if they want to take away 3 crucial points after a tough week.
Prediction
Surely Newcastle will win it being at home and playing a team over 7 places below them? You’d think so. I reckon they’ll go out there and try prove to the critics that losing Cabaye isn’t the end of the world and that they are still a European contender. Sunderland have had a glorious 3 weeks including the Mickey mouse cup semi over United, but a derby victory would feel like icing on the cake. Unfortunately I don’t see it happening. Newcastle 2-1.
What do you do if you have heaps of money and don’t know what to do with it? Buy a new car, grab yourself a yacht, maybe take a trip overseas and treat the whanau. Not these guys. They buy football clubs. Meet Roman Abramovich and Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan. Jesus thats a mouthful, get Siri to say that one! Both owners pour millions of dollars into these clubs, hoping for the satisfaction of owning a team that can win trophies and give bragging rights to those involved. With so much to spend (sanctioned by the owner), you cannot help but be impressed by the make-up of these squads. Chelsea’s measly defence against the pure attacking talent of the Man City midfielders and front men. Let the fun begin. Considering Chelsea blasted a ridiculous 39 shots at West Ham midweek and they still couldn’t buy a goal, it makes me wonder if that could be their downfall in this matchup. Scoring goals is obviously crucial. They are not going to get many opportunities against City and considering City score an average nearing 3 goals a game, they may need a few to stay in this match. If the midfield of Oscar and Edin Hazard can create opportunities and get on the end of some attacking plays as well, then they could score a goal early on and then park the bus. Mr Mourinho hates when others do it, but doesn’t mind when his own team does it to sound affect. A la Barcelona CL Semi final in 2012. The old guard of John Terry and Gary Cahill will have their work cut out for them even though Sergio Aguero is most likely going to be out with a hamstring complaint. Looking at the options I’ve stated above, City still has plenty of strike power. A bloody scary amount of strike power. If they can keep Chelsea to a goal, I can see them running away in this fixture based on attacking potential alone. If I was Chelsea I would be hoping Mourinho has planned a tactical masterpiece to outclass the new league frontrunners, or this could turn ugly like many other matches that have been played at the Eithad. A slippery surface will help the Blues, and even a bit of rain/sleet/snow, so start praying you Chelsea fans!
Prediction
With City finally moving to the top of the table, will they ever be usurped?? These games can be won on the smallest error or more often than not on a piece of individual brilliance. If we’re going on that, then how can you go past City? City 3-1.
